Abby- The Untold Story
by Mo Dav
Summary: Abby is an Erudite transfer during the time of Four's initiation. She has a love triangle and hidden romance with Amar and Max. But when she gets too much info, it may mean her death. She will run away to safety and come back. Or will she die in the process. Read to find out! (This goes into Divergent, Insurgent, and Allegiance time. I don't own Divergent!)
1. introduction

**HEY GUYS! So this is all new to me and everything so I want you to review and comment and the whole shebang! Happy reading! Love ya bunches!**

I'm the second to the last one to jump off the building. I stand on the ledge, feeling the wind in my long, curly, blond hair. My light blue jacket flaps against me. I smile as I shift my weight forward, falling. I spread my arms out, making myself feel like I'm flying. I don't even know what is at the bottom of the whole. I keep falling. Then I hit a net. The net curls around me as hands stretch out towards me. I grab a hand, detangling myself from the net. I stumble onto a wooden platform. My foot goes over the edge of the wooden platform. A pair of hands quickly pulls me toward him, using himself to steady me. My face leans against his chest, hearing his heart pound. I breath in his cologne. Somehow, the smell comforts me. He guides me toward his chest, pulling me away from the edge.

"That's a first. Never had someone fall off the edge." His deep voice rumbles his chest.

Gently, he pushes me away. My hair falls in my face, I flip it over my head so I can see. I should've brought bobby pins. I looks up at the man, who still has his hands on my elbows. I recognize him from the Choosing Ceremony. His name is Max.

I look at his face. He has dark brown shin and a small, scruffy beard. His hands are big and warm and his knuckles are bruised. He must have been fighting recently. That, or he hit a brick wall. His skin reminds me of chocolate. Warm and smooth. I feel my face getting hot as I stare at him.

"Thank you," I say, breathlessly. He releases my elbows. I notice that he is staring at me too.

He clears his throat. "You're welcome," he says. His voice is deep, like a bass guitar. "Amar should be down in a second. The others are waiting in the tunnel over there." He points down the steps.

I look at the tunnel then back at him. I nod as I walk down the steps and join the others. I hear a scream. Once at the end of the steps, I turn and I see a blur of gray. Gray? Since when do Abnegation transfer? I walk towards the tunnel. I stay at the beginning, leaning against the wall, which is wet. The cool moisture seeps through my light blue coat. The Abnegation guy walks in front of me. I guess I blend in so well, he doesn't see me. Quietly, I walk over to where he is. Before I can get the nerve to say anything to him, a man walks in front of us. We make a semicircle around him. I still hover next to the wall, not wanting to be seen but so much.

The man brings his hands together. He has dark brown skin, as well. Not as dark as Max, though. More of a milk chocolate, whereas Max is more of the dark chocolate. His brown eyes are almost black in this light. I shudder, it's almost scary looking.

"My name is Amar. I'm your initiation instructor." That's all I get because I'm too busy looking at his face. The way he easily smiles. The way he stands; strong and determined. "Lucky you." I laugh, quietly, at this because I feel like it's true. I'm lucky to get to spend time with him when he could be doing something totally different.

Then, we're moving. I must've zoned out a lot because I don't remember him saying we're going anywhere. Which is saying something because I have a photographic memory. He leads us down the tunnel to a wooden door. The door looks like it weighs a ton. He shoves it open with his shoulder. Everyone piles into the room, almost closing me out of it. I stop the door with my foot, slipping in. As I slip into the room, I see that is has a large window on the back wall. The room has chairs in the middle of it and a large table with syringes. I hide in the shadows, which is easy because half of the room is shadows. I lean on the wall, the moisture soaking through my sweater, again. The cool moisture makes me shiver.

I hear Amar talking again, "This is the fear landscape room. A fear landscape is a simulation in which you confront your worst fears." He continues talking about how you have to figure out a way to overcome your fears. How to calm your heart rate, steady your breathing, stuff like that.

"How is that possible?" I hear someone say. "You don't know our fears."

I push up from leaning on the wall. I know that voice. But it can't be. Looking into the light, I see him. In his blue sweater, just like mine, it's my ex-boyfriend, Eric. I was too distracted by getting away from my home that I didn't know that he came with me. Or, I came with him. I shake my head, I'll think about that one later.

Amar explains how the serum works. After he's done explaining, he tells Eric that to "satisfy his Erudite curiosity", he will go first. Amar goes to a table with needles on it. I watch them both. Amar standing tall. Then at Eric. He takes his time slipping off his sweater, folding it then placing it over the back of a chair. I know why he's taking his time: he wants to annoy Amar as much as possible. He was always good at pushing the right buttons, making people mad. He never did it to me but he did it to everyone else.

When Eric finally gets to Amar, Amar jabs the needle in his neck. Some of the people wince. He jabbed it in so hard that it looks like he enjoyed it. He pushes Eric into the next room. As Eric walks to the center of the other room, Amar hooks himself up to a machine.

Eric stares at us through the window. Then, it's like he's staring at something else. The simulation started. He standing still. He doesn't move, doesn't scream, doesn't cry, nothing. He stays still for the longest amount of time. He doesn't react. I don't understand how he doesn't react to his worst fears. It's not brave, it's stupidity. Then, it's over. He blinks at us, then smirks. Everyone, even the Dauntless-born, are quiet. They understand the message I got when I first started dating him: Eric is a dangerous person. He was dangerous with the information he has inside his mind. He uses it to his advantage. But now that he's in Dauntless, that makes him even more dangerous.

As other people stand up to go through their worst fears, I watch Amar. He pushes the needle in gently. Afterwards, I watch the people's reactions to their fears. Some scream, some cry, some run, some huddle in a corner, waiting for the simulation to end. I stay at the back wall. Almost everyone has gone, until it's just me and the Stiff.

I push off the wall, going to sit down in a chair. When Amar walk out of the room, he stares at me. I surprised him. The Stiff stares at me, too.

"Uh… Hi," I say, not really knowing what to say.

"Hi," Amar says. "Are you- Are you a transfer?"

Gesturing to my blue clothing, I say, "Yeah. I thought you knew that."

I look at the table with the needles on it. Running a hand through my hair, I see that they must've miss counted: there's only one needle left.

Amar gestures to me, taking the needle in his hand. I stand up and walk over to him. I moves my hair. I feel a warmth from his touch. I almost shiver.

As he pushes the needle in, he says, "I'm only using half of it. I gotta get through you and the Stiff." He inserts the needle, pushing half of the serum into my veins. Then he guides me to the room.

I walk to the middle, and turn to look at the glass. Then it starts.

I stand it perfectly still. I stand on cement, no one in sight. Turning in a full circle, I see that I am alone. That doesn't bother me. I'm used to being alone. Just then, a blur of blue rushed past me.

I turn my body, running after who just past me. When I see who I'm chasing. I skid to a halt. Eric. I'm not afraid of Eric, so why is he here?

"Nice of you to join us," he calls to me. He's about 5 feet away.

"A what do you want, Eric?" I ask him.

In the blink of an eye, he appears in my face. "I missed you."

Then he kisses me. The sweetest kiss I ever had. I stay there for a second, savoring the moment. Then I back up, away from him.

"No. No. Nope. Can't do that." I tell him.

"Abby, I love-" Eric starts.

Just then, a gunshot goes through where his heart is. The sound of gunshots multiply, each one leaving a new hole on Eric. Each hole making him bleed more and more, until his whole shirt was covered in blood.

"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, over and over. My heart pounds in my ears. Everything in me is tight. My hands shaking, sweat pouring down my face. "No! No! No!"

After the gunshots stop, I run up to him. Cradeling him, running my fingers over his delicate face.

"Eric," I sob.

Then, everything disappears. Everything but the feeling of being kicked in the chest. Heart still pounding, I stand. I feel like I really lost him. Like I really saw him die. Then the next obstacle appears.

Three men stand in front of me. Each has a gun in their hand. I'm not afraid of dying. My heart still pounds from seeing Eric dead.

"We killed him, you know," one of the men say. It's like a new kick to the chest, knocking the wind out of me.

"You- what?" I ask, harshly.

"We killed him," they all repeat.

Without thinking, I lunge at them with a scream. Stealing their guns, I swing one like a baseball bat, hitting a guy in the head. I throw the guns away from us. Then I kick. I punch. I do everything that comes to mind. Images of pressure points appear in my head. I hit them.

I'm not thinking of dead Eric, now. Now, as my heart thunders, I realize my worst fear: me becoming a monster when I am confronted with someone who hurt my family. But it doesn't stop me.

I hit one guy's temples, killing him. My hands get covered in blood. I kick another guy's chest, hard. I hear multiple ribs crack. He staggers from the blow, unable to breath. He falls, not moving. He's dead, as well. The whole lower half of me is drenched in blood, too.

That leaves me with one more guy. He runs away. I run after him, getting a gun in my hands, during the process. The man falls, almost landing on his face. I catch up to him. Using my foot, I turn him over, holding my foot at his throat.

Not thinking, I cock the gun "Please," he begs. "Don't"

I tell him snidely, "You killed Eric"

I shoot the gun. Then drop it, knowing what I did. I look at the guys, all dead by my hand.

The lights lift as I collapse on the ground, pressing my hands to my face. My photographic memory allows me to remember everything I see, hear, and feel. I will never be able to forget this.

 **Well? What'd ya think? Was it good? Please let me know! This is only the first chapter so if its good, let me know so I can write the next chapter! Review and comment. Just no harsh language, if it's bad. Anyway, love yall bunches!**


	2. comfort

**Hey! Okay, so we are now on the second chapter! I'm so excited! I'm gunna try to upload a chapter every week. Key word: try. Anyway, enjoy!**

I stay on the ground, feeling horrible. Feeling like I really killed three people. I keep my hands on my face. They still feel like they have blood on them. I stay, crouching, for a few minutes. Then, strong arms wrap around my shoulder. I feel like wanting to scream and cry and I want to forget everything that happened. But I can't. That's what hurts the most. I can never forget the sigh of Eric dead or the feeling of wanting to hurt those men.

"Come on," a voice says. It sounds like Amar. "Get up." His voice wasn't harsh, like it was with Eric. He has more of gentle tone. It's almost soothing.

He hauls me to my feet. I throw myself against him, wrapping my arms around Amar's strong body. I feel him tense, for surprise. Gently, his arms come around me. I sob into the base of his neck, taking in the sweet scent of Dauntless soap.

"Come on," he says again. This time, his voice is softer, sounds almost…. caring? "You're not going to have to go through that, again. Not for a while." I let go, dropping my arms at my sides again. I wipe my face.

He leads me into the room that all the transfers were all in before. Now, just the Stiff is there. He stares at me. I can feel curiosity roll off of him. Too bad he wasn't an Erudite. I think we may have even been friends. I recognize him from school but I don't know his name. I think about that for a second. I actually don't know something. Weird. I wonder why he's here.

Amar leads me to the control room. He sits me in the chair next to his. I bury myself in my hands again. I close my eyes for a few moments. What I just went through was horrible. Even though the men weren't real, they felt real. It felt like I really hurt those men.

Amar leaves to insert the rest of the serum into the Stiff. A few moments later, he comes back into the room, hooking himself up the the machine. I watch how he moves, all move so delicate. Everything he does seems to be precise.

"You didn't do this with any of the other transfers," I tell him, shifting uncomfortably in the chair, staring at my blue shoes. He didn't bring any of the other blubbering girls into the room with him and there was quiet a few.

He continues to hook himself up to the machine, "I don't care about any of the other transfers." I feel his eyes move over my blond hair. Does this mean he cares about me? "Besides, none of them went through what you just did." Heat rises into my cheeks. He saw first-hand what happens when people threaten my loved ones.

"Am I a monster?" I ask him. "I feel like it. I feel like I really killed those men. I feel like those men really hurt Eric." I see hurt in his eyes.

He stops what he's doing and takes my face in his hand. "You're not a monster. You did what your mind told you to do when someone hurts someone you love." His hands are warm. They're not calloused like Max's. I feel heat retreating off of them. Amar drops his hand and clears his throat. "So what's the story, anyway? What happened between you and Eric." His voice sounds weird. It's almost a flat tone. No emotion hinting. Not like it was before.

My face grows warm. "Well, uh, we dated a while but we had a fight and we broke up." Amar looks at my face. There's something in his eyes. Hurt? Care, like he said? "I care about him as a friend. That's it. Nothing more. I'm over him."

"That's not what your fear landscape said," Amar says. The hurt in his eyes has now moved to his voice.

I turn his face so he's looking into my eyes. Now, I'm the one holding his face in my hands. "Really. I'm over him. He doesn't even know I'm here. The fear landscape picked him because we were close. Now, we're barely even friends."

"I believe you," he says in a small voice, I drop my hands as we both turn back to the screen. I nod. "I'm just," he murmurs something. It sounds like the word… jealous? "I guess." Why would he be jealous?

I watch the Stiff through the screen. He stays still for a few moments, and then he's standing on top of a building. His face goes pale. I guess he's not one for top bunks. After a few moments, he jumps off the building. When he lands, Amar taps the screen.

I look at Amar's face. His face is stern, yet kind. I watch as his face hardens. Everything is focused. All of a sudden, "THINK IT THROUGH, STIFF!" I jump a little bit. Has he ever heard of a warning? Amar looks at my startled face. Worry sweeps across it. "Sorry," he whispers. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay. You didn't mean to." I say. Worry still stays on his face. I look down, at my shoes, again. I've never been tongue-tied before, even when I first dated Eric, I never got nervous around him. Even though Eric was tongue-tied whenever I was around.

I hear Amar tap the screen again. A few moments later, he taps it again. Amar gasps. Instantly, I look up at the screen. I see a man walking towards the Stiff. Or, at least, it looks like a man. He has black pits for eyes and claws for hands. A whole twisted version of someone. I stare at the screen. The man looks like someone I recognize. He looks a little like Marcus Eaton. Meaning that the Stiff is…

"I didn't see that one coming," I say. Amar nods.

What happens next hurts even me. Multiple Marcus's appear, each one has a belt made of sheets of metal. I squeeze my eyes shut and look away, afraid of what the man will do. I tense. Amar takes my hand. I look at him, his face is hard. He understands how I feel.

Amar taps the screen, the lights lift. No wonder he left. His father was a monster. A monster like I become when those men "killed" Eric. Oh crap. Am I going to become a monster like the Stiff's father? I squeeze Amar's hand, worry filling my eyes. He let's go of my hand.

Me and Amar stand. Amar unhooks himself from the machine. I scotch my way past him. When I get to the next room, the Stiff is already there. He looks like crap. Yet, again, so did I when I first went through my fear landscape.

"I guess we should call you Four." I tell him. He looks at me with suspicion. "You know, with four fears and all." I walk up to him, sticking out my hand; I say "I'm Abby."

A small smile appears on his pale face. Awkwardly, he shakes my hand, "I guess I'm Four."

Amar joins us. "That's it? That's all your fears? Gosh, Stiff. I wouldn't want to tell anyone my name either. I guess we should change your name. Like "Knife" or "Killer" or something." We both look him. His easy grin has returned to his face.

"No," Four looks at me. "My name is Four."

Amar smiles, "Alright then. Let's go get some grub." Together, all three of us walk down the hallway to the cafeteria.

When we get there, I stop at the doorway. I see Eric. He's sitting at the table, talking loudly, as usual. I picture our last fight. He threw a vase of flowers at me. I had made the vase, he had helped me pick the flowers. We'd never been so mad at each other. I looked at Amar. He gave me a small nod.

I walk up to where he is sitting, just as he says to Four, "Jeez, Stiff. You look like you're about to faint." A Candor boy grins. A few people laugh, but not me. I cross my arms and glare at him. I sit, quietly, in a car. Four does the sits a few seats over.

Eric is just three seats away. Grinning, I stand up. In two steps, I'm directly behind Eric. I lean on the back of him; my elbows sit in his shoulders. My blond hair falls in his face.

Eric looks away from Four, who has a smirk on his face. Eric stands up, disbelief on his face. "Abby?"

My grin grows to a full smile, I tell him "Yeah, Eric. It's me. Ya busy? Is now a bad time?" I put on my fake pouty face. Everyone stares at us. I'm the only girl in the world that can make him speechless. He shakes his head. "Good. Now, pass the food." I sit down at the table, in his seat. Instantly, he makes someone move chairs so he can sit with me. He hands me a plate. I grab two rolls, a hamburger, and a piece of cake.

Eric stares at me while I eat. It kind of creeps me out. Amar congratulates us on surviving our first day of initiation. I turn my attention from my plate to Eric, my bright blue eyes meeting his cold, dead eyes. We're complete opposites. I'm cheerful, happy, full of life. He's dark, mean, hurtful. This isn't the loving guy that got shot to death in the fear landscape room. This isn't the guy that I fell in love with at the age of 14. This is the guy that will do anything to hurt anyone. Eric is now the guy that I had to break up with because he physically hurt me and emotionally hurt his own family. All for… what? I don't know why he did the things he did. I don't know why he's here. But as I stare into his cold eyes and finish my dinner, I can hear the wheels turning in his mind. I'm going to find out why he's here. I swear it.

 **Well? What'd ya think? If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or you want to review, PM me! Love ya bunches!**


	3. learning to fight

**Hey y'all! Time for Chapter 3! Super excited!**

The next morning, we go to the training room. It smells of sweat and dust. I look at Four. He looks comfortable in this room. He looks better in black than gray. His shirt and shorts don't hang on him as much. I look down at my own clothes. My black shorts are a little baggy. My tank-top is an okay length. It's odd, you spend your whole life in one color, then you change and you are put in a different color. I've noticed it the past few days we've been here. Learning to shoot the gun was kind of fun. I wonder what we'll be doing today.

When Amar walks in, I find myself staring at him. His light brown muscles show through the shirt he's wearing. He looks comfortable here, like Four. He begins talking. "Alright! The rest of the day, we'll be learning a few punches and kicks that you'll use when you're fighting. But first, we'll be learning how to throw a knife." He finds my eyes. I hold my gaze for a few minutes before looking away. "I'll demonstrate both things and you will practice them on the target then a punching bag. Seem simple enough?" We all nod. "Good. Now, pay attention."

We begin with how to throw a knife, like he said. We each pick up three. I do what he showed us. Grabbing the handle then releasing it. It hits the end of the target. I frown at the knife. I turn it in my hands and hold the blade. The sharp edges threaten to hurt my hand. I feel someone watching me. Looking up, I see Amar watching me. I look back at the target. Still holding the blade, I throw it at the target. It hits the center. I have my own way of doing things, I guess. The rest of the time that we thrown knives, I use the blade instead of the handle. Every time I throw the knives, I hit the center.

I smile. So far, so good. As long as I do my own thing, I can make myself a place here.

Amar calls us over. He shows us the correct stance and how to hit and kick. We begin learning how to fight. After he does that, we go to the punching bags. I close my hands into a fist. I open and close them. It feels unnatural, making a fist. I make a fist and lightly hit the bag.

Amar sees I'm having trouble with it so he comes over to me. "I've noticed that you throw by the blade." He says. "Don't cut your hands." I nod. He continues to watch me practice on the punching bag. "You're not tight and because of that, you have no power behind your hits."

I stare at the bag. "Yeah. I'm still trying to get used to making a fist. I mean," I turn to face him. "when I am fighting, I don't want to be tight or anything and have the threat of breaking my fingers. I want to be able to move. Be kinda fluid-like. Ya know?"

He considers that, for a moment. "Show me what you mean"

I hold my arms out infront of me. My elbows slightly bend, I relax my hands, slightly bending my fingers. "Like this. This feels more natural." I hit the bag with the side and the flat of my hand. The bag slightly sways. I put more power in the hits. With each hit, there is a slight sting. My hands turn a little red but I don't mind.

"See?" I ask. "That feels natural, to me." Amar's face in serious, like he's thinking hard about something.

"I'm not sure. In a fight you have to be tight so the impact is so much for you and you can put a lot of power behind your hits. Try it. See how it works. If you can put force in the punches, then go for it. Just remember-" he in inches away from me in one step. His hand goes across my stomach. Instantly, I tense up. "keep tension here for more power." I stare at him in surprise. Warmth comes from his hand. I smell his cologne. I remember the other day, when he comforted me after my fear landscape. His hand stays on my stomach for a minute. "Although, you're not having much of a problem with that, are you?" Then he steps away. A playful smile dancing across his face. Cold hits my stomach, where his hand was.

He turns on his heel and walks away. He stops, turning around, he says, "Oh and after I dismiss the class, stay behind for a second. Okay?"

I stop practicing and I think I stop breathing. I look at him. His dark brown eyes gleam in the light but they're hiding something. I nod. "Uh… Yeah. Why?"

He grins and butterflies flutter in my stomach. His bright white teeth sparkle.. "Just do it." With that, he walks away.

I shake my head. Not really sure what that was. I start hitting the bag again. I practice the kicks he showed us, as well. What seems like hours later, Amar calls us over to him. We all go over to wear he is standing. Somehow, I end up next to Eric and a wall.

"Alright. You guys are doing great. Just remember to keep tension in your stomach and to put as much power behind your punches at all times." He finds me hidden in front if the wall. A grin threatens to appear. "After lunch, we'll do some practice fights then some real fights. Now, go eat." With that, we dismiss. I walk along the wall to the door.

dismissal  
I stay close to the wall. Amar watches everyone leave. As soon as everyone leaves, he turns his attention to me. His bright white smile makes the butterflies go crazy.

I lean on the wall. "Well?" I ask, trying to sound calm. "Why do I have to stay?"

He walks over and takes my hand. Instantly, I stiffen. He's not supposed to do this. He's not supposed to show any affection towards me. But, isn't he the guy who comforted me after the fear landscape? Isn't he the guy that said he was almost jealous of my past relationship with Eric? What does this mean?

"I was wondering if you would come here after practice, tonight. We can practice fighting or something.

I look at him. "Or something?"

His easy smile comes, "Yeah. So... you'll come?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'll come."

Quickly, he pulls me into a hug. His warmth is like a blanket. I cling to him and bury my face in his neck. Wet stay like that for a few moments. Then, he releases me and I'm walking out the door.

Next thing I know, Eric grabs my elbow and leads me down another hallway, away from the group. His grip on me is tight. I yank my arm away. "I don't like being dragged," I growl at him.

"Yeah, so you've said before." Eric reminds me with a sneer. "Why are you here?" His voice is hard but quiet. It isn't a whisper yet, so for now, I'm safe. When he's calm and whispers: prepare yourself.

"Needed to get out of the house. Figured 'Hey! Why not go to Dauntless?'" I reply sarcastically. There is barely any light down this tunnel but I can see a smile crawling across his face. I lean against the wall. "Why are you here?" He leans closer to me. He puts a hand beside my head, leaning into me.

His smile disappears. "Not sure. I just wanted to come here." I roll my eyes at that statement. Eric always told me that the Dauntless were crazy maniacs. I disagreed slightly. They were out there, yes, but they're not maniacs. "And," he leans even closer, a hand slipping behind my head, cradling my face. "I may or may not have missed you."

I laugh. "You missed me? Yeah, right. How about we just happened to choose this at the same time?"

"That too. Or," he pauses. "I really missed you." He kisses me. The softness o his lips make me forget the fight we had. But, it makes me think back to the fear landscape. How after he kissed me, he got hurt. I gently push him away. He looks down, almost hurt. "Sorry. I should've-"

"You're fine. It's just- I can't." I stop myself. How can I tell him that he was in my fear landscape? "Nevermind." I slip away from him. The feeling of his gentle lips still linger. Nervously, I bite my lower lip. I turn around the corner. I know Eric is going to explode once I'm away. I'll be sure to watch him in the fights.

I walk away, running a hand through my hair. _First Amar, now Eric. What's next?_

When I go around the corner, I slam into someone. Strong hands grip my arms, keeping me from falling. Blonde hair falls in my face. " Watch it!" a voice barks. A few moments later, He clears his throat. "I mean, uh, you okay?" the man's deep, strong, voice says. I look up to see the man who I bumped into. His dark features almost mesmerizes me. With a small gasp, I realize it's Max. As if he's afraid he'll break me, he lightly pushes my hair behind my ear.

With a small voice, the only voice I can manage, I nod and say, "Yeah." I clear my throat. "Yeah. I'm goood. Sorry for bumping into you."

"No, it's my fault." he tells me. He's still holding my arms. The warmth of his hands seep through my arms, warming my bones. "I should have looked where I was going."

I stare up at him. I see his tight jaw. I see his muscles threatening to burst through his shirt. I swallow over the lump that is forming in my throat. He looks….. handsome. _Not as handsome as Amar_. I think. I mentally kick myself. Amar and Max are the leaders. I can't think they're handsome.

"No, it was my fault. I should get to lunch." I say. His deep brown eyes stare into my bright blue ones.

Max nods. "Yeah. Mind if I walk with you? Not like I have anything important to do."

I shrug. "I guess. I don't mind."

He releases my arms. Cold hits my arms. _Why are Amar and Max so freaking warm? They've both made me shiver._ We start down the hallway. I feel him behind me. The walk down the hallway is quiet. The silence is deafening.

"How's training going?" he asks. Finally breaking the silence.

"Uh, so far, so good." I tell him. "We start fighting after lunch."

He gives a deep laugh. "Be careful."

I turn to look up at him. He's a few inches taller than me. "I'll do my best." He nods. I turn back around when we reach the brightness of the cafeteria. "Well, I'll see you later."

"Yeah. See you later." He starts walking away. I push the door open as he calls out, "Oh! And be sure to eat a piece of cake! Chocolate is one of the best flavors."

I smile as I walk in. "I'll try to get a piece." I search for a seat. I find one with Four.

I weave through the crowd. Grabbing a plate of food in the process, I plop next to him. "Hey." I tell him. I start eating. I didn't realize how hungry I was.

He looks at me through the sides of his eyes. "Hey. We're you been?"

I shrug. "Around." He turns so his whole face is looking at me. I roll my eyes. "Fine. Just drama with Eric. Then I literally ran into Max." I notice he has cake. Using my fork and without asking, I steal a small corner.

He raises an eyebrow. He cocks his head to the side. I see a frown forming on his face. "Drama with Eric?"

I nudge him in the side. "The cake is good, by the way. And I'm not going into any of that. Too much confusion." I take another bite of his cake.

"I would guess so. And I wouldn't ask you to." He takes a bite of his cake. Soon, we're having a fork fight over the last bite.

I win. I laugh, taking the last bite. Looking around, I see that the initiates are leaving. Picking the rest of my sandwich up, we leave. We rush back to the training room. When we get there, Amar glares at us.

"Late," he says.

"By two seconds," I tell him.

He glares at me. I know I should've back talked but It's true.

He turns his icy gaze away from me. "Okay," he brings his hands together. "Now. we're going to do some practice fight. Just a few. Then tomorrow, we'll begin the actual fights." Great….

Let's get ready to rumble!

 **Well? Review! PM me! I love hearing suggestions!**


	4. the kiss

**Well, this is new... Two chapters in one day! Woo-hoo! This is basically just Amar and Abby. Enjoy!**

I'm sore from the fights that we had. Stiffly, I seat next to Four. I roll out my shoulders as I look over him. He doesn't look stiff. Funny, technically he's still a Stiff. I pile food onto a plate and begin eating.

Four sees me staring at him. "What?" he asks, his eyebrows coming together.

I shake my head. "Nothing. I was just staring into space that you happen to be occupying."

A smile plays across his face. He should smile me often. I smile back at him and continue eating. Eric makes people laugh and I look over at him. His eyes lock with mine. I see him wink at me. Heat rushes to my cheeks and I look away.

What did that kiss mean? Does he actually still like me? I continue to eat my dinner. Eric can't love me. It's impossible. He's a monster. But what did that kiss mean?

I eat in silence. People that are, apparently, Four's friends surround me in laughter. I chat with them. Zeke and his brother Uriah are my favorite people. They're really nice and funny.

As soon as I finish my dinner, though, I leave. Amar said he wanted to practice fighting or something. The words "or something" could mean anything.

I go around multiple corners, thinking of what will happen. I subconsciously make my way to the training room. When I arrive to the room, no one is there. He isn't in the training room. I turn to walk out but I'm stopped by a figure in the doorway.

"There you are," the figure says. He has Amar's voice. "I was looking for you." "Oh. Well here I am." I spread my arms out.

He laughs. His laugh is so nice. His smile is so bright that it could light up a room. I notice he changed clothes. From just a t-shirt and shorts, he went to a no-sleeve shirt and jeans. I, on the other hand, have a messy bun, a baggy shirt, that stinks like last week's garbage, and baggy shorts.

In just a few quick strides, he had his arm wrapped around my waist. My heart pounds. I hope he can't feel it. I wrap my own arms around his neck.

That's when it happens. He leans down and kisses me. Eric was my first kiss. I thought I had found _the one_. That was until I found out that his anger issues were more than just harsh words, which is how I learned to bite back at him. It was more of sweet, one minute, biting your head off, the next. I still loved him, even after he threw a lamp at me. Then, after we broke up, my feelings started to slowly die. Now I love him like a friend.

I put him out of my mind. All I think of is the man that is kissing me. He lifts me, I wrap my legs around his waist. My mind focuses on him carrying me through the secret halls of the Dauntless. Everything else slipping away.

I hear the cassam behind a wall. He sits me down. We stop kissing, each of us breathing heavily. It was a wonderful kiss that I never wanted to break. We slide down the wall. The cassam is loud, but we don't mind. He sits back. All I can see is the outline of his body. I wish I could see his handsome face. I take his hand and lean against him. He kisses my head. I snuggle against him.

We stay like that for what feels like two seconds. I could've stayed like that forever. But all good things must come to an end.

"I hate to say this," he whispers, "but you have to get back to the dorms. You have to fight Eric tomorrow." he goes to kiss my head but I look up at him and he kisses my lips.

The kiss becomes deeper, more sweeter. I love it. A moan escapes from both of us. Soon, I'm on top of him. I lay on his chest. We break the kiss.

"I have to fight Eric tomorrow." I repeat. "That's going to be fun." I am so close that I can see him smile.

"You can do it." he assures me. "Just be careful." I kiss him, again. "I will."

With that, we stand and walk to the dorms, hand in hand. It's after curfew. We could get into trouble. But we don't. Instead, he stops by the door. Leaning, slightly, he kisses me again.

"Good night. I look forward to seeing you soon." he whispers

"Good night." I whisper back.

Before I am in the room, he says, "Can we meet there tomorrow night, as well?"

I nod and slip inside. I lean against the wall. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I just hope we don't get caught. With that as my last thought of the night, I relax until I am taken on the wonderful journey of sleep.

 **Well? How'd I do? Please let me know! Love y'all bunches!**


	5. the fight

**Hey yall! This chapter has a lot more excitement and stuff. Tell me what you think!**

I wake to Amar calling for us to wake up. I roll into a sitting position, thinking of the wonderful dream I had. It was just me and Amar in the dream. We ran through the streets of our city holding hands, laughing, and kissing. Nothing in the world mattered. It was just me and him. In the dream, we could be together, forever.

Then, I woke up.

I stand up, my body aching as I get out of bed. I'm still sore from practicing yesterday. Quickly grabbing some clothes, I go to change in the bathroom. I feel the weight of eyes watching me as I pull my shorts on. I pick up my shirt, still feeling the weight of their eyes. I turn around. Eric is the first one I lock eyes with. He's staring at me now. His own eyes begin gliding over my skin. I look over at the group of guys looking at every part of my bare skin. Eric notices it too.

Uh-oh, is all I have time to think before he is across the room. He is in every guy's face, speaking too quietly for me to hear. I pull on my shirt as I watch the guy's faces go pale.

I smirk to myself. He's still protective. How sweet. But I have, or I think I have, Amar. Amar isn't Eric. He's sweeter, gentle, and, well, hotter (though that doesn't matter).Too bad I have to fight Eric, today.

But do I have Amar? Are we a thing? I frown as I think about that. It was only one kiss. _One very passionate kiss_.

I go to the bathroom mirror and pull my long blonde hair into a high ponytail. I look at my reflection. My hair is curly, my eyes bright blue, my skin is lightly tan. I wonder if Amar kissed me because he thinks I'm pretty. Although, I hope it's more than that.

I don't like the ponytail. I left it down or had it in a ponytail every day in Erudite. I grab two hair needles. I bought the hair needles my first day at Dauntless. Twisting my hair into a bun, I push the two needles in my hair, crisscross style. The needles hold my hair in place.

"That's a good look for you," Eric comments. "Come on. Or we're going to be late." He holds the door for me. I feel my face flush as I scoot past him. Protective and gentlemen-like. Who is this guy and what has he done with Eric?

We walk side by side. I feel the ghost of the gentleness of his lips on mine, again. I like Eric as a friend but how do I tell him? I don't want to hurt him.

I walk faster, getting into the room quicker so I won't have to see him. When I get in the room, Amar is writing names of people fighting today. I scan for my name: I'm the third group to fight. And next to my name is, of course, Eric.

I glance at him. His face goes pale, slightly. His face hardens, noticeably. If I wasn't so used to staring at his face up close, I wouldn't have noticed. I realize I'm staring and look away, my face flushing.

I look up to see Four have a worried look on his face. We make eye contact. I pull my eyebrows in at him. He holds up the number 3 and points to Eric with his head. He's worried about me fighting Eric. I give him a slight smile and shrug. Kinda like in a _I-got-this_ way.

Amar calls to us. We all circle around him. "Alright! We're going to start actual fights that you will be judged upon. This is part of stage one and stuff. So do your best." Some people shift uncomfortably. "First up: Four and Mia."

I watch as Mia's face turn nervously pale. Four is strong so, reasonably, she's afraid of him. She should be. He's gotten stronger than he was when he first arrived. He isn't the little, sweet, quiet Abnegation boy that transferred anymore. He's becoming a strong, brave, Dauntless man.

I watch their fight. I noticed that Four was doing his best not to hit her. He almost lost. Almost. The next group fights. I watch the way they move. One person is too tight. One isn't tight enough. My mind wonders to mine and Eric's fight. I wonder who will win: me or Eric? I guess I'll find out.

Amar calls me and Eric into the ring. We awkwardly walk into the ring. I catch a nervous, worried glance that comes across Amar's face. Eric gets into a tight form. I take in his stance, his weak points, everything. I get into the form I showed Amar: elbows slightly bent, fingers slightly curved, my knees slightly bent.

We stay in our positions. Out of nowhere, he charges at me. I have enough time to go under his arm, before he attempts to tackle me. He gets to the other end of the mat and tries again. This time, his hand grabs my hair needle and pulls in out. Half of my hair falls down, out of its bun.

I straighten up, hair now in my face. I flip it over my head. He grips the needle in his hand, the pointed side facing towards me. I hope he doesn't poke his eye out. He continues to charge at me. I continue to move out of the way. I remember non-fatal presser points and get a few quick jabs in. His free hand goes limp.

Now, he charges at me, a look of murder on his face. _So much for protective_ , I think. He tries to wake his arm up, but it stays limp. His face becomes hard, he's frustrated.

He makes his way towards me, forgetting he has the needle in a death grip. I try to move out of the way, but I'm too slow. I watch as the needle pierces my side and I cry out, in pain. I grip Eric's arm and pull him down with me, as I fall. When we fall, he accidentally jabs the needle in farther. I cry out again.

Everyone gasps.

"Abby!" a voice shrieks "Move!" I can't tell who it is. They sound too far away. I'm losing too much blood. I'm going to die because of Eric. Then, I'm lifted. Arms lift my head and go under my knees. Someone is running and carrying me. "Don't you die on me, Abby." A deep voice grumbles. Worry is in their voice. It sounds like Amar.

Amar! No... I can't just die. No, I have to fight. As easy as it would be to just let go... I can't. I can't for Amar. I can't. I think I might _love_ him. The way he was there for me and all he's done… I can't just quit.

But I can feel myself slipping into darkness, losing consciousness. I hear a voice yelling for Max to come help and people being yelled at to move and more craziness.

The last thing I remember is gentle lips, I'm guessing Amar's, on my forehead and the words: "Don't die. Don't quit. Fight." And then, I'm out cold.

I wake up, my side throbbing. My hand is being held, lightly. I open my eyes, almost becoming blind by the bright light. I see a man sitting by my bed. I blink. _Max?_ I follow his arm down with my eyes. He's the one holding my hand. His head is down and he's looking at the floor. He doesn't know I'm awake. _What is Max doing here?_

I lightly squeeze his hand, letting him know I'm awake. His head comes up, surprised. I release his hand.

"You're awake," he says. "How's your side?"

I manage a slight grin. "Fine." I lie, my voice croaks. "What are you doing here?"

"Amar is usually here but I told him to get a shower and something to eat. He hasn't left your side," he informs me.

"Ah," I respond. "He'll be mad he wasn't here." I try to laugh but wince instead. I clutch Max's forearm.

Max adjusts my pillow and holds my hand, gently. "Woah, easy. Quite a grip you got, too. You may not want to laugh for a while. And don't lie to me. Amar told me what happened."

I give him an apologetic look and sit back. I, unknowingly, pull Max closer. He braces himself with his hand, which he places directly behind my head. He so close to me that I can smell his cologne. I stare into his eyes. They're deep, dark brown, like his skin. He smiles, his bright white smile, is amazing. _Amar has a better smile_ , I think. Max stares at me, his eyes hiding something he wants to say, but can't.

Just then, Amar walks in and clears this throat. "You're awake."

I look past Max. "Yeah. My side is doing better." He stares at the space between me and Max. I wonder what he wants to tell me. I catch them both roll their eyes. I've now told both of them a lie. Max still stares at me.

Amar mumbles, "You're lying. You kinda got stabbed."

Max looks up from my face and back at Amar. "I guess I should leave you two alone for a bit?" his voice rumbles. It vibrates my chest. Amar straightens and nods. "First, can I talk to you a second?" He asks Amar. Amar nods and Max brings himself up. Both standing tall, they leave with their shoulders back and I'm left alone.

 _Why did Max come? Did Amar really stay with me? Why did he only stay with me?_ All of these questions roll around my head.

 **Well? Why do you think Max came? What did you think of the fight? Tell me! I love getting reviews. Review! Love ya bunches!**


	6. Dare

A/N: I think this is one of those chapters that you're gunna go "Wait... What?" But I don't know... Tell me what you think! Just a reminder: I do not own Four or any of the Divergent books.

I turn my head to look at Amar as he comes in. He comes back in with his face hard, mad. I wonder what Max said to him? Amar sits in the chair next to the bed.

"What's wrong?" I ask. I use my hand to lift his face so he's looking at me. His face relaxes in my hand. He touches the hand that is cradling his face.

He turns his face. "Nothing. He's just blowing steam about how I should take better care of my initiates." His soft lips tickle my hand as he speaks. "Now how are you really doing?"

I drop my hand. Automatically, it goes to my side. "It hurts." I stare at him with big eyes. "Amar, what happened after I blacked out?"

Amar stands up and gently sits on the side of the bed. He runs a hand through his hair as he explains, "Eric stabbed you and you just fell. I watched the whole thing. He was mad that he couldn't hit you because you were so fast. He got one good hit and you dropped like a rock." He stops and looks at me. He adjusts so that he is lying next to me. He leans so our noses meet at the tip. "I could've stopped him. I saw that crazy thirst for blood in his eyes. I could've stopped him"

I make my forehead meet his. "It's not your fault." I don't want him to think that is his fault that Eric is the way he is. "Eric went too far. You couldn't have known what he was going to do."

He sighs, "I could've stopped him, though… After you fell, it felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces." He moves back from me and looks me in the eyes. "I thought I lost you, Abby."

He leans in and our lips meet. Each of us are desperate to become one with each other. I feel him turn, getting closer to me, without trying to hurt me. His hand glides into my hair. I want this kiss to last forever. Of course, it doesn't.

We separate. I take his hand from my hair. Intertwining our fingers, I whisper, "I'm still here."

"I know," he whispers back. "Abby, please," he begs. "never scare me like that again."

I kiss him again. "Okay," I say as I give him a small smile. My smile melts, becoming serious. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

He wraps his arm around me, careful not move me but so much. "Of course. I didn't want to leave you, anyway."

I nuzzle against him so that I'm lying on his chest.. I can sleep now. Knowing that Amar is here and that I survived. Everything is perfect.

I wake up in the middle of the night. My head rises and falls from laying on Amar's chest. Warmth surrounding me. He's so cute when he sleeps. I stare at the face of an angle: his jaw bones tightening then relaxing with his dark hair very tangled and piled on his head.

I get closer to him. I hear a noise: sniffling. Is someone crying? Using just my eyes, I glance around the room. No one is in here except me and Amar. Who could be in the room?

"I guess I deserve this," a voice says in a whisper. I stay quiet and lie still. "All I did was hurt you. It's only reasonable for you to find someone who will protect you. Someone who will-" he chokes, "who will love you." Eric. Eric is here. Why is he, of all people, in my room? How long has he been here? I hear him walk to the bed. I close my eyes and try to relax, attempting to make it look like I'm sleep. He leans down, his lips touching my forehead. "I hope he's the one, Abby. Even if I can't be." Then he walks away.

What the heck was that?

When I wake up, the next morning, Amar is gone. I'm left in my bed, all by myself. A few nurses come in and go out. They check on the wound, change bandages, etc. It's like this for days: Amar comes in at night, stays with me, then he is gone by morning. I feel empty when he isn't with me. When he leaves, I want him to come back and I take all my thoughts away. All I have is time to think. What do I think about? I think about Amar, Eric, fighting, surviving Dauntless, my choice, everything.

When Amar is in the room, I swell inside and I want him near me. We share beautiful kisses, each having some hidden surprise. Every touch is special in it's own way. Unlike Eric, Amar tells me he loves me. Amar is good to me, good for me.

About a week later, I start moving around. It's painful, at first. It's just me sitting up but pain slaps me in the side. Then, I start standing. Each part of me having to remember how it works. Pretty soon, I can walk again and it's not as painful.

Amar comes in one night.

"Come with me," he says as he holds his hand out.

I take it without question. We jump on a train and I struggle to get up. Amar helps me stand. A girl explains why we're here.

We're playing a game, a Dauntless game: Dare.

Amar helps me shuffle to the back of the train. I see Four and Zeke and a few other people that I recognize. The game is a crazy Dauntless tradition. One person is dared to do something by another person. Before they do the dare, a bottle is passed around. I hold my side lightly, the smell makes my stomach hurt. This is a good way for me to forget about Eric, though. Tomorrow, I will have to go back so that I can finish stage one. Amar warned me that I have two fights I have to survive. One is against the weak girl from Candor, Mia. The other one, Amar had told me with sad eyes, is Eric.

Amar is the first one to get a Dare. When I heard the dare I nearly died laughing. A bottle is past around. Amar takes a swing. I stare at him with big eyes. I wouldn't place him as a drinker. He looks back at me with a crazy grin. I see his face flush.

A few moments later, bright lights appear and people start jumping off the train. We're in the Erudite section. My stomach twists into knots. Amar takes my hand and we jump. Tucking myself into a tight ball, I hit the ground. I try not to cry out in pain from the impact. Amar helps me up again and we begin walking the streets of Erudite. Home. My home. My old home.

We arrive at the library. I see a few of my old friends. I want to talk to them. I miss them. I look over at Amar's face, almost to ask permission before I'm stopped by the evil grin he wears.

I look through the glass at people who look like they're reading but aren't. When I was in the library, I would surround myself with books and speed read. I still remember every word in the first dictionary I ever read. I would love to get another book in my hands. However, those days are over.

Now, as we get to the entrance of the library, Amar lets go of my hand and charges into the library. Shouting something, he turns around and pulls his pants down. The faces of the Erudite are priceless. All of us begin laughing and we try to walk away. We start jogging towards the next train. Amar wraps his arm around my waist and kisses my cheek. Then he lets go and he jumps onto the train, dragging me on with him.

The next few dares are funny. A few majorly dangerous, but this is Dauntless. Everything the Dauntless do is dangerous. Each time a dare is called, the bottle of unknown substance gets pushed into my hand. I pass the bottle to someone else. Finally, it's my turn.

"Hey, chick with the blonde hair!" I look up. A boy with red highlights and spiky black hair points at me. His arms are thrown around two girls who look like they can't even stand. "What's your name?" he calls.

I sit up. "My name is Abby. And don't call me a chick. I'm not a baby chicken."

"Are you a transfer, Abby?" I nod. The guy gives me a wicked smile. "So Amar is your instructor, huh?" I nod again. "Cool. Then my dare to you is that you have to kiss three guys. One can be anyone on this train. The second one has to be Amar. And the last one," his evil grin grows into a full smile. "has to be Max."

Several people gasp. A few even argue with him. He waves them off. "What happens with this game, stays between us."

"You want me to kiss a guy on this train, Amar and….. Max?" The guy nods. I stand up. "Okay." More people stare at me and gasp. The bottle is tilted towards me. I wave it off. I don't need to drink.

I search each guy's face. Yikes, eww, gross, no, oh-heck-no, and bleh. All of these words pass through my head as I look at their faces. Finally, my eyes land on Four. He's doing his best to stay hidden. He's failing. I weave through people, careful of my side. When I am finally within arms length, he raises an eyebrow at me.

"Just do this for me and I wil owe you big time." I whisper.

He nods. He's so sweet. Just then, someone pushes me towards him and I crash against his body. He wraps his arms around me to keep me from falling. I stare into his bright blue eyes. Standing on my tiptoes, I gently kiss his lips. He returns the kiss. I feel a baby spark. Holy Potato Skins. For a Stiff, he's a surprisingly good kisser. I back away from him. We're both blushing. Turning my back to him, I come face-to-face with Amar.

A guy gives him a shove. He shrugs and wraps me in the arms I know so well. When our lips meet, I hear a few dog whistles. Our kiss is deeper than our last. Fireworks go off in my brain. We break away and stare at each other.

He laughs. His voice rumbles my chest. "Woah. I didn't know a Nose could kiss so well."

I roll my eyes at him. Everyone laughs I pass my dare to someone else, not knowing what to do. The next dare is for Four. He has to get a tattoo. This will be interesting.

*Back at Dauntless. In the Pit*

When we arrive at Tori's, the tattoo shop co-owner, she doesn't seem to happy. Somehow, Amar talks her into doing the tattoo for us. We all pile into the shop. Amar slips back and holds my hand. I'm surprised he would do this, in front of everyone. In front of people who know that I'm a transfer. But he doesn't seem to mind. If he doesn't mind, I don't mind.

After Four gets his tattoo, everyone turns to me. I drop Amar's hand.

"To Max's apartment we go," the guy that dared me says. There's a look in his eye that I don't like. There a few quiet cheers and we walk the halls of Dauntless.

When we arrive, a Dauntless girl goes into Max's room and wakes him up. Everyone presses their body against the wall, trying not to be seen.

Max stumbles out of the room and I take a deep breath. Before I lose my nerve, I take Max's hand and I pull him against me. Our lips crash together and I feel my feet leave the floor, he's lifting me. Without thinking, I wrap my legs around his waist. A fire burns between us. Not as intense as Amar but not as dull as Four. Most of the fire has to do with my side, though.

When my feet touch the floor, again, Max says something only I hear. "I've been wanting to do that since I caught you from falling off the platform on Day One." He releases me. Speaking bolder he says, "If you're playing that Dauntless game, leave me out of it. I'm going to bed." He turns towards his door but stops before walking in. "And Miss? Or whoever I just kissed… Please don't let me find out who you are. And I better not hear about this tomorrow. Good night."

With that he leaves and everyone dismisses. The guy that dared me pulled me to the side to tell me both Amar and Max asked if he could give that dare to me. He said he would agree and that he made sure that everyone understands that what happened tonight would be just for tonight. I sigh of relief and turn to walk to the transfer room. Amar gives me the I'll-talk-to-you-later look and disappears. He looks a little jealous.

I try to push that though out of my mind as I walk to the room. Tonight will be my first night without Amar beside me.

The thought makes me a little sad.

As I climb into my actual bed, I wonder what the guy meant that Max asked him if he could dare me to kiss him. Did he just want to see if I would do it or does he have feelings for me? I lay my head down on the pillow. I guess since he told me he's wanted to kiss me since I jumped of the building on Day One that would mean he likes me but I don't know. Only time will tell, I guess.

A/N: So what'd you think? Any suggestions? R&R! Love ya bunches!


	7. last fight

A/N: This will be a bit more intense. It's got a lot of fighting and you might see a new side of Abby.

The next morning, everyone watches me as I change. The day before, I changed in the bathroom and fought Mia. No one saw me change. Now, I'm changing in the open. Mia keeps her head down. I beat her. The girl who barely survived her first fight beat a girl who's had more than enough practice.

After the next three days, stage one will be over with. Eric watches me carefully. It's as if he's calculating my movements. Sadly, he probably is. I pull on some shorts and a loose t-shirt. Each movement is tight and stiff but not as painful as it was about a week ago.

I turn and face them as I finish changing. I come nose to nose with Eric. "May I help you?"

He lightly touches my side. "Did I-" he swallows. "Did I do that?" He's voice comes out small and nervous.

I touch his hand. Looking down at my feet I mumble. "Yes. You did. It's healing well but it hurts," my voice comes out just as small. "Can I please finish getting ready?"

He nods and moves out of the way. I feel heat behind my eyes and coldness on my side. How can someone so cold, so hard, so… him be so warm and kind, at times. A tear slips out from my eyes lids. Soon they're streaming down my face. I walk as fast as I can into the hallway. When I go around the corner I run into Max. The force hurts my side and I almost fall over. Strong hand grips my elbows. Just like Day One, I think silently.

"Whoa. Take it easy." Max's voice is soothing, but I'm too upset to take it his sweet voice. His eyes are full of concern as they search mine. "Hey, you okay?" he asks.

I wipe my eyes. "Yeah," my voice cracks. I clear my throat. "I mean, yeah. I'm fine. Just my side has been hurting." His hand stays above the spot the needle went into. Why does every guy have a fascination of doing that? I push his hand away. "Stop! Don't touch me!" Instantly, he obeys and his hand drops. "I- I got to go!"

I push past Max and run. My bare feet take me to the training room. I slow down when I see Amar writing on the board. Amar turns, he sets down the chalk he was writing with and turns his head around. I am so aggravated that I can't even speak. I curl my hands into fists. I pace back and forth, on the mat. My bare feet slap with every step. The cool mat seeps through my skin. I shiver.

"Punching bag is that way. I'm not even going to ask. But, uh, be sure to save some steam for later." Amar points at the wall. He picks up the chalk and begins writing on the chalkboard again.

I nod and march to the punching bag. I have never been so embarrassed or angry. 'Did I do that?' I can't believe he had the nerve to ask that and then touch my side. Who does he think he is? Eric has some nerve. First he dates me, okay, not a big deal. Then he almost breaks my arm when we fight and throws a lamp at me. Then he kisses me and tries to get back together with me. I don't kiss and make up. Then, to top all of that, he almost kills me and tries to apologize.

"Ugh!" I scream. I throw a hard punch at the bag.

I start hitting and kicking, all I see is Eric's face. First his face is kind. Next it's hard. Then he shows his kind side. Then, it's hard again. I twist around and kick the bag. As soon as my skin hits the bag, I feel a sharp pain in my side. The chain snaps, sending the bag flying. I stare at the bag, a slow waterfall of sand pours out. I turn when I hear gasps. I watch as everyone crowds the door. Each one has a shocked face.

Eric is in front. I glare at him. When he meets my glare, he looks away, at the other end of the room. His face goes pale. I follow his gaze and smile as I see my name next to his name. I get to fight him again. Good. Amar realizes what we are staring at and picks up the eraser.

"Drop. It." I shoot at him, ice practically forming on each word. Amar stares at me. Everyone gasps in surprise, again.

"What?" Amar asks. He raises his eyebrows in surprise. "What was that?"

"I said drop it. I'm fighting him." I shoot another glare at Eric "Come on, Eric. I got a score to settle." My voice comes out cold as steel. I walk to the ring. Eric follows slowly.

"Abby," Amar gently takes my arm. "Maybe you should wait. You're too steamed up." He lowers his voice. "And, I don't want you to get hurt, again." His dark brown eyes stare into mine, his eyes pleading me to not do what I want to. I can't help it, melt a little. My face softens.

"Just this one fight," I plead. "Then I'll stop."

He looks at Eric. His face is still pale. Amar looks back at me and nods. He releases my arm. I walk to the ring. Eric is already there, in his stance. I get into my stance.

My stance isn't as tight as Eric's. No matter how wound up I am, I can't fight tight.

Eric charges at me. I make a fist and hold it out. Eric hits me with such force, I stumble back. I hear a few ribs crack. His, not mine. He falls onto his back. He tries to move out of the way. I jump, flipping in midair, I land by his face. He looks up at me, his eyes pleading. He stands up and tries to charge again. Quickly, I jab his shoulders, his chest, and his thigh. Instantly, he drops like a rock. A few quick jabs to certain parts of the body and they can either become jelly or just stop working. I hit a few pressure points that I could think of, at that moment.

I lean down to where he fell. Pushing the same pressure points, he slowly stands back up. He turns to me. He drops and turns, kicking a leg out and sweep my legs out from underneath me. I fall.

I land on my bad side and a sharp pain stabs me. He stands up and brings his leg up to kick me. I scramble up before me can kick me. I jump up, again, and twist in the air. I kick him in the head. My foot slaps his face. The force spins him around and he falls. I hit the one place that anyone would fall. I land, softly.

I look at the other initiates. Everyone stares at me. Me, a girl who barely survived her first fight, just beat the guy who almost killed her. Eric moans and rolls on his side. He looked bad from the day before, when Four fought him. Eric took a bad beating. Now, he looks worse.

Amar takes my elbow and leads me away from Eric.

"Alright, next fight!" Amar yells. The next two people scramble forward. Amar pushes past the group of initiates. He stops at Four. Locking eyes with him, a silent message is sent between them. Four nods. With that, Amar pulls me into the hallway.

I don't fight against him. Instead, I push past him, shake off his arm, take his hand and drag him as fast as my hurting side and my legs will take me. His warm hands seep through my cold skin. The warmth spreads until my whole arm is warm.

Once we're out of earshot of the group, Amar releases my arm. "What was that?!" he practically yells at me.

I don't shrink into myself, like I would if it was someone else yelling at me. Since it's Amar, I yell back, "I wanted to fight back. And I did!"

"So? You almost-" His face is hard. He locks eyes with me. I can tell that he saw a side of me that he didn't even know existed.

"I almost what, Amar?" I yell at him, tears falling from my eyes. My voice grows eerily quiet, "Almost killed him? Like he did to me?"

That makes Amar stop. His face softens. He brings me into a hug. At first, I tense up. I thought there would be more yelling. In a way, this is kind of worse. I almost killed Eric, like he did to me. Amar should be yelling at me, not comforting me. On the other hand, I don't want him to let go. So I relax and wrap my arms around his strong body.

His lips kiss my hair. "Yeah, like that. He could have. But your response was scary." He take my shoulders and gently pushes me away. "Eric is a monster. He's crazy but he is terrified of a lot of things." his voice becomes quite, like mine was. "One of them is losing you. He's terrified of that. I guess we actually have something in common."

I raise my eyebrows. That can't be right. Eric doesn't care about anything. He doesn't care about me or his family. He is a man made of stone. Yet, he can be a little puppy dog, when he wants to be.

I wrap my arms around Amar again and burry my face in his chest. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let myself gotten carried away like that."

His hand runs over my tangled hair. "It's okay. Just don't let yourself become a monster like Eric."

Tears fill my eyes. "Okay." my voice cracks.

His warm hands lift my head. After looking behind him, he bends down. Our lips meet in a passionate kiss. His arms lay on my lower back. We kiss until we're breathless. When we break away, we stare at each other. I remember that we have to get back to the class.

"We have to get back." I mumble. He kisses the hollow of my neck. A giggle escapes my mouth. "Really, Amar, we got to go."

He mumbles, "Later. They can wait."

I roll my eyes, "No. You can wait." He laughs against my neck. I can feel him smiling. I push him away. He gives me the puppy dog eyes. "Usual spot? Maybe after dinner?" I whisper.

His smile carries into his eyes. He nods. That's all I need.

Then, without a word, he becomes serious and stomps off. I try not to smile as I follow him. We have to be serious. We can't let people know about us. As much as I would like to take his hand and walk through Dauntless, I can't. I'm sure the Dare group knows. But if any of the initiates found out, I would become a target. I can't let that happen.

I try to look flustered as he does. We stomp into the training room. Four just finished calling time for the fight. When we walk in, everyone looks at us. Amar and Four discuss something I can't hear. I'm sure Four knows about us. He was a part of the Dare group.

I do, however, hear a girl murmur to her friend, "I was sure she was going to become factionless for that. I guess not."

Before I have time to stop myself, I turn on my heel and slam her into the wall about two feet away from us. Her body hits the wall, making a small sound. I'm in her face, my grip tightening around her arm and her neck.

"I guess you're stuck with me, huh?" I voice a deadly whisper. "But, here's a question for you. Ready? Why should I become factionless if Eric did something ten times worst to me? He nearly killed me! He put me in the infirmary for most of stage one. But, hey, he's still here so I am too." I release her arm. Still, I keep my grip on her neck. Her eyes plead with me.

Amar's words play in my head. How he doesn't want me to become a monster. I release her. I don't want to become a horrible monster. I can't, so I won't. I watch as the girl lightly touches her neck. As if making sure that it was still there.

"By the way," I lean forward, my voice still a whisper. She flinches, automatically moves back. "If you want to date him, go ahead." I smirk at her. Her face is pale.

I turn and walk back to the group. Eric looks at me. He saw everything. Oh well. I guess he has an effect on me. An effect I want to get rid of.

A/N: So? Does Abby have a few screws loose or what?


	8. Alone at Last

A/N: I am sad to say that I do not own Divergent. :(

I slip away from Four and Zeke. They're going to the control room for a while. I see Amar go into the hallway that leads nowhere: our spot. I walk down the same hallway. I'm sure not to bring any attention to myself. Slipping down the hallway, not bothering to hold my hands out in front of me: I know where I'm going. Or, at least, my feet and brain do. I stop before I reach the end of the hallway. Hands wrap around my waist and pull me close. I turn in his strong arms and wrap my arms around his neck.

"I've been waiting to do this since I last kissed you after your fight." Amar whispers as he kisses my neck. He draws a trail with his lips. He draws a circle around my neck. up to my ear, and to my lips. We press ourselves to each other. I love him. I realize this; I love him and I never want to lose him. "Been shopping lately?" he says between kisses.

I smile. "No. But I have had my eye on a certain tattoo and dress." We kiss for a few more minutes before I ask him, "Want to go get it with me?"

We separate, "Of course."

Hand-in-hand, we walk until we reach the Pit. Once we're at the Pit, we let go of each other's hands. I keep walking, while he stands at the edge of the chasm for a few moments, before following me. I walk into a dress shop. Quickly skimming over the dresses displayed, I see the one that I want. I pick it up and walk to the dressing room, just as Amar walks in. I hear him and the store clerk exchange a small conversation.

I un-dress then redress as quickly as I can. The dress is solid black at the top and fades down into bright red, a few sparkles here and there. The dress is strapless with a big scoop in the back that stops at the small of my back. I've wanted to buy it since I arrived but I didn't have a reason for wearing it. Now, I do.

I peep around the corner to catch Amar's eye. Swiftly, he moves to see me better. I, self-consciously, move out of the dressing room. When I step out, I see a few girls from my transfer group come in. Amar grins. I blink toward to the door and Amar glances behind him. He sees the girls. Before I can stop him, he calls them over. Confused, they come over. When they see me in my new dress, they squeal and swarm around me like wolves and their prey.

I hear random compliments on how well the dress suits me and how well it fits to my body. I turn slowly, making sure they see every inch of the dress. More compliments come about how my back is shown and how I need a makeover. What catches my ear and my eye is the bell of the door, when Amar tries to slip out. As fast as I can, I unglue myself from the crowd of girls and change into my regular clothes. I try to pay for the dress before I am told that it was already paid for by Amar. I smile and thank the cashier. With a skip in my step, I head to where I spot Amar going in, into Tori's tattoo shop.

Bag in hand, I walk farther into the Pit and into the tattoo parlor. Amar stands, looking at the display of tattoos. His muscles seem to pop out of his sleeveless shirt. He really looks like a model in that shirt. I wish I could wrap my arms around him. I don't think he would mind. There's not many people in the shop.

I see Tori and the shop owner discussing something. Tori catches my eye. She nods and gives me a small smile, as if reading my mind. Quietly, I set the bag on the floor. Tiptoeing behind him, a huge stupid grin on my face, I wrap my arms around him. He holds my small, pale hands. I rest my cheek on his back. Warmth encases me. I stare up at his short dark hair. Looking behind his shoulder, he sees me staring at him. I look away, a small blush coming to my cheeks, as well as his. He detangles from me. We switch roles. Now, I am holding his hands in mine and his arms are snaked around me. I lean into him. He can support my weight with no problem.

He leans down, whispering in my ear, "Which one do you want?" His hot breath tickles my ear. I shrug against him, gettting a slight chuckle from him. "Well, go on and decide. Tori agreed to let us stay here for a few extra minutes. That is, as long as you choose to get something."

I think about that. I do want one, but I'm not sure which one. Finally, it catches my eye. I point to the factions I want: Erudite and Dauntless. Amar picks the glass display up. Waving for Tori to come, I think about where I want it. It needs to be somewhere big but reasonable.

"Umm, can you do it on my back?" I ask Tori. She nods. "I have an odd request, though."

She props her elbows on her knees. "I'm listening. I'm sure I've heard stranger."

"Do you think you can put the Erudite eye in the center of my back then the Dauntless flames around it? Kind of like a hurricane?"

I see Tori and Amar's eyebrows go inward. A question begins to form on Tori's lips. Before she can ask, I quickly explain. "In a hurricane, the center is called the eye. Around it is the actual hurricane part. Most of it goes in one direction. So I was thinking that you could make the Erudite eye the hurricane eye. Then the hurricane part could be the flames. Also, could you spread the flames out so they wrap around my sides?"

Amar raises his eyebrows, "I'm impressed." He leans to me, he whispers into my ear again, "I'm sure it will look great with that dress."

A blush rushes to my cheeks. I stare into his deep brown eyes. I must be the luckiest girl in the world to have someone like this, like him. I faintly hear Tori saying something that I have to take my shirt off. The blush deepens.

"Come again?" I more or less squeak.

"For me to do this, I need you to take your shirt off." she finishes sketching in her notebook. "Which you two were drooling at each other, I sketched this. What do you think?" She shows me exactly what was in my mind. I nod. A smile comes across her face.

Backing away from Amar, slipping my top off, I feel the intense of his gaze on my bare stomach. I ball it up and throw it playfully at his chest. He catches it with a smile. Tori get me to follow her into the next room. She orders me to lay flat on my stomach. I still feel Amar's gaze run along my back. He sits at my head. I can feel him playing with my hair. In a way, it tickles. All of a sudden, my bra strap comes undone. Without meaning to, I tense up. I hear both Amar and Tori say to relax. I do as I am told. Amar weaves his hand through mine. I'm so glad that I have him.

Stiffly, I put on my shirt. I wince as I walk to pick up my bag with my dress. Once I'm there, I stare at the bag. I need to pick it up. I really don't want to bend down, though. Before I can bend a centimeter, Amar picks it up for me. I smile gratefully at him. He returns my smile. His bright white teeth almost blind me.

Amar pays for my tattoo. Thanking Tori, we slip out of the shop. The Pit was nearly empty. Amar glanced at the time on his watch. It was way past curfew. I take his hand. Together, we walked to the hallway beside the dorms.

"Amar," is all I can whisper before his lips are on mine.

He's careful of my back and my sides. He's careful not to hurt me. Even when his hands go over the bandage and everywhere that it hurts, I don't make a sound. Instead, I take him in. Our kiss is all that matters.

"I- I gotta go," I whisper.

"No," he practically growls against my cheek. "You said that earlier. I want you, Abby. You said I had to wait. I've waited long enough."

He lifts me. Automatically, I wrap my legs around him. He leans me against the wall. The pressure against my back hurts but the coolness from the rock canceles out the pain. Our kisses became full of passion from the time we first kissed. Now, we kiss like it was our first and our last kiss. We kiss until our lips have memorized each other's face. Amar dips his head down, kissing the base of my neck. His lips leave a trail of fire as his lips find their way back to mine.

This is what I've always wanted. I've wanted to keep him like this ever since we started dating. At least, I guess we're dating. After the perfect amount of time, like this, we part ways, Both of our lips were swollen from kissing, my back hurt like crap, but I would have it no other way.

I slip into the room, set down my bag, and dream of Amar. A crappy day ends with a perfect night.

A/N: Well? What'd you think? I hope this was okay... Seeing how I've only had, like, one kiss in my entire life, I think I'm doing okay with the romance. But I don't know... If you have any helpful suggestions, review and let me know!


	9. Stage 2

**Alright! So now we move to stage two! Let me know what you think!**

When my name is called, I take in a shaky breath. When Eric came out, he looked scared. He actually looked scared. Of course, I was the only one who could see this. He sat beside me, placing a hand on mine. I took it, for reassurance. He brought me into his arms. He made it look as if he was comforting me, but I could hear his silent crying into my hair. I leaned into him, telling him that I was there. Slowly, he released his tight grip on me.

Now, he fully lets go of me. I stand up, looking down at him. I see the small boy he used to be. Then I see the muscular and shattered boy he is now. I reassure him with a smile and step into the room.

Amar closes the door behind me. "Sit." he commands. I do as I'm told. He doesn't look me in the face. If I look close enough, I can see dried tear stains on his face. Was he crying? "We're starting phase two, today. Basically, I give you the serum and I see what's in your mind. You're going to face one of your fears so… be ready."

I nod. Preparing the syringe, I ask him the question that racks my brain. "Were you crying?"

He turns his body, syringe in hand. I saw the same shattered eyes that I saw in Eric. Was he crying about Eric's fear? Eric and Amar fear one thing… oh. They fear losing me. That's why Eric was crying.

Amar walks over to me. He moves my hair. "Later." he whispers. I understand him. Then, a deep ache goes through me neck as the needle goes through my skin. "Be strong. Be brave." That is all I hear, as I lay back. I am taken into a world of fear: my subconscious

It starts like a dream, Amar and I skipping through Dauntless. His laugh is powerful, it vibrates my chest. I turn to face him. He looks into my eyes, engulfing me with the color that reminds me of brownies. I hug him. So what is this is just a nightmare that I will wake up from, I love this. We separate and begin walking again.

"Hey!" a voice shouts. We turn around, facing whoever yelled. The man has a mask over his face. He looks about my height, long arms, muscles coming out of the short sleeves. I look him up and down. His jeans are black, his shirt is blue. _Blue and black? Why is the masked man wearing blue and black?_ The it hits me like a ton of bricks. The man under the mask is Eric.

"What do you want?" Amar says. He doesn't know. How could he? He doesn't have the memory like I do.

"I want you to hand over Abby. You took her from me!" the mask me holds out a gun that somehow popped into his hands. "Well, now, I'm taking her back."

In the blink of an eye, he shoots the gun. The gun fires loudly, the walls vibrate. The bullet hit Amar in the chest. I reach for him, but he falls, his eyes wide.

"Amar!" I shout. My voice cracks as he hits the ground. A sound escapes from my mouth. It sounds like a dying whale. I can hear my heart shatter into a million pieces. The pieces of my heart pound like a beating drum.

I collapse on the ground, my own body collapsing on top of him. I loved him. I never had anything like what we had. Now, he's just… gone.

I glare at Eric. I try to remind myself that this is just a terrible nightmare. But that doesn't matter, right now. What matters is that, in real life, Eric could really do this. He could really hurt Amar. I look down at my dead love. The other half of me is dead, which means I'm dead. I push myself off of the floor. Turning on my heel, I angrily watch Eric's movements. How could he? How could he hurt Amar?

"How could you?" I yell at him. "He was my- I loved him! Now, he's gone!" Tears stream down my face.

Eric whispers the biggest lie. "I'm sorry." He picks up the gun again.

"Go ahead! Kill me!" I scream. In a few quick steps, I'm in his face. He cocks the gun. In a deadly quiet voice, I whisper. "You already did."

Eric turns th gun towards himself. "I love you." He fires the gun at himself. The gunfire rings in my ears. He drops dead at my feet. It may have been true words but I will not believe him. I will not believe that he loves me.

Amar truly loves me. I don't believe that Eric does. He's incapable of love. Yet, what if his words were true? What if he was telling the truth and real Eric _does_ love me?

I wake up with a start, gasping for breath, tears streaming down my face. I stare at Amar's face with glassy eyes. There is a mixture of shock and sorrow written all over him. I run a shaking hand over my face. I hate how worried he is, now. I am starting to think that I will hate this stage more than stage one.

He extends his hand, a nice gesture considering he just saw himself get murdered in my head. I take his strong hand, making the feeling of his hand familiar. I love him. I really do love him. Amar brings me up out of his chair, into his chest. I tense. He shouldn't be doing this. Not with the camera that is facing us, right now. I didn't notice it before. I should have.

I lightly push against his chest. Automatically, he lets go of me. "We can't." I say. There's a familiar pain in my chest. All he does is nod.

I wish I could kiss him now. I know where all the information goes, how it's processed, etc. He should be able to kiss me and comfort me, right now. After all, the information goes to Erudite. Then Jeannine Matthews- allow me to rephrase that- _Auntie Jean_ then watches all of the information looking for what she calls the _Divergent_. Now, I know what you all are thinking… Yes, Jeannine is my mother's sister. I never liked her, though. She always had this crazy idea that she should rule all of the factions. I told her she was crazy. Which, she is. The Divergent are supposedly people who can't be controlled by anything or anyone. I don't know what that means so I just decided to drop it.

I start walking to the door. Amar put his hand in way of the door. "I think we should go this way."

I don't hesitate to follow him. He leads me out a side door, into a small hallway. I don't understand why we have to go down the hallway but if he wants to… I guess we can.

"How long do you think you were in that simulation?" Amar mumbles.

"Uhh-" I start, which I rarely do. I don't usually begin a sentence with the word _uhh._ "I don't know. Maybe about 30 minutes?"

He stops suddenly, a low deep laugh rumbling out of his chest. "Try about 10 minutes. It's impressive. That's about four times less than any other initiates." He turn to face me. "There's only one person that can do something like that." He lowers his voice and draws me into his chest. "They call it Divergent. This is bad, Abby. But don't worry. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

I separate myself from his warn encasing arms. "Divergent? You're kidding." a laugh threatens to break through. "Divergent is what Auntie Jean looks for so she can get rid of them. She says that they ' _threaten the system_ '. Is that what you are telling me? That I'm a threat to the system?"

His voice becomes deep. "Yes. Wait- what do you mean ' _Auntie Jean_ '?"

I place a hand on my hip, "Yeah, yeah. Jeannine Matthews is my mother's sister. I'm not a threat to anyone."

"To her you are, apparently."

"But…. that's impossible! I know what she does to them" I realize my voice is slowly rising. "She mur-"

His hand goes over my mouth. "I know too. And keep your voice down."

I nod in his hand. He drops his hand. Auntie Jean kills the "threats". She says it is the only way to get rid of them. If I'm now a threat then that would mean… I swallow over the lump that is forming in my throat.

"So what you're telling me is that my Aunt is going to _kill me_?" I whisper the last part.

He leans his head down until it's touching mine. His warm breath goes over my face. "That's not going to happen, on my watch. They'll have to kill me first. Besides," he kisses my nose. "I'm Divergent too."

I lean back. He nods. He is Divergent too? They could… My thought is stopped when his gentle lips meet mine. I wrap my arms around him, my eyes fluttering shut. I am so glad the simulation was just a simulation and not reality. I don't know what I would do if he was to really die. I don't think about this now, though. Now I think about the live man kissing me. Although this isn't the time or the place for us to be kissing, I remember how it felt when he was shot. I was so hurt.

I gently push away from him. "I don't want you to die, Amar." I pull him into a hug. "You're my world."

"Ditto. Which is why we're going to protect each other." I smile into his chest. "Now, let's go. I have about two more people to test." He kisses my hair. "I love you."

"I love you too." With that, I leave down the hallway. He goes the way we came.

 **Well? How did I do? Let me know!**


	10. the jacket

**Okay, so, I had this idea and I'm not sure if it sounds good or... what. Anyway, tell me if Four is in character and enjoy!**

Each and every simulation is scarier than the last. Not only are they about Amar, they're about my family, long lost friends, people I still love from back home. The first few days of stage two, I cried myself to sleep. Now, I walk away, not a tear in my eye. I have to force myself to stay in the simulation longer than I want to because of Amar's warning. I hate it. I hate how in the simulations the taunting of the people who killed my loved ones makes me go into an outrage. I wake up with the feeling of their blood on my hands. I walk out of the room, away from the man I know still loves me, feeling like a murderer.

I've made it halfway through. Four and Zeke tell me about how the simulations are crazy, over dinner. I nod in agreement, wanting to go to bed. I look down at my plate. I've only eaten half of my food. I hear the Dauntless chat and laugh over stupid mess. I look up to see Amar walking over to us. I feel a jolt of electricity go through my body. Me and Amar haven't had any time alone since I got my tattoo. I watch as Amar sits down in front of me. Four and Zeke stop talking. They stare at me and Amar. Amar's usual warm smile is on his face but the smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"So I am happy to let you know that you all are doing great," Amar says. "Be sure to get plenty of food and sleep and that kind of stuff." With that, he stands up from the table. he turns to walk away. I feel a deep ace in my chest. Four and Zeke begin talking again. When he gets a few steps away, he turns back to me. "Oh, and Abby," his eyes sparkle, his smile sneaking into his eyes. "I think you left your jacket in the simulation room. It's locked so if you want it, you'll have to come find me."

I feel a flutter in my stomach and laugh. "Okay. How about after I'm finished with my supper?"

He nods, turns on his heel and walks away. I look down at my plate, a bright blush creeping onto my face. I pick up my unfinished sandwich taking a bite. I can't believe Amar gave the excuse of that I left my jacket somewhere. I don't even have a proper jacket.

I hear Four laugh. Zeke elbows me in the ribs. "Hey, Miss. Blush Much. What's going through your mind?"

The question catches my attention. "Humm? Did you say something?"

"Yeah, I asked you what you were thinking about."

I laugh. "Just thinking about how I forgot my jacket. I was _sure_ that I grabbed it before I left the room." We all roll our eyes. With another laugh, I stand up from the table. "Well, I better go get my jacket."

"Okay! Later," Four and Zeke call to me. I continue to walk away.

I find Amar leaning on the wall beside the cafeteria. Without saying a word, we lace our hands together. We sneak through the shadows into the simulation room. I smile as I enter.

"I see no jacket." I say to Amar.

He rolls his eyes. He takes off his own jacket, folds it, then puts it on the side arm of the simulation chair. Bringing me into his arms, he kisses my forehead. I hug him tightly. I look up at him, meeting him nose to nose.

"I love you, Abigail." Amar says.

I kiss the tip of his nose. "I love you too, Amar."

He releases me. He walks away from me, a bit. Clearing his throat he asks, "Do you honestly mean that?" He turns to me. I nod my head. Duh. I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was true. A shy smile crawls onto his face. "In that case," he gets down on one knee. A small gasp puts new air in my lungs. He pulls out a small black box from his pocket. "would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Of course we would have to wait until after initiation and all but still... What do you say?"

He opens the box, showing a simple engagement ring with a small diamond in the center.

Heat pricks the back of my eye. Marriage... Marriage to this man I've hardly known over a month yet I already love. I smile my bright smile.

"Yes!" I squeal, careful not to raise my voice but so much. I nod my head incase he didn't understand me. "My answer is yes!"

He leaps up. Wrapping me in his strong arms, he spins me around. His laugh strong and proud. Setting me down, he takes the ring out of the box. Taking my left hand, he slips it onto my ring finger.

It's a perfect fit.

I stare at the ring on my frail finger as Amar wraps his arms around me. Amar places his hand underneath mine. His dark hand gives a contrast again my skin as we look at the ring together. I can't believe he asked me, of all people, to marry him. I feel…. I don't know. I feel jittery and happy and overwhelmed, in a good way, of course.

I turn in his arm. Standing on my tiptoes, my lips meet his. I love him so much. I can't wait until after this freaking initiation. We break away, staring into each other's eyes, I remember back to when we first met. I can't believe that was only about a month ago. Amar kisses my forehead.

"You should get back." Amar mumbles, his lips tickling my forehead. "People will wonder where you've disappeared to." I laugh at this.

"I highly doubt that. But, sadly, you're probably right." I say as I back away from his warm embrace. I turn toward the door.

Before I leave, Amar hands me a jacket. It's the one he was wearing when he walked it. "You forgot your jacket. Remember?" I laugh. "Oh, and thank Four for me." I turn, confused. "He helped me pick out the ring. He was, really, the only one I knew I could trust with this."

I nod and smile. "I will." I say as I slip on his jacket. Opening the door, I slip back into the shadows. The scent of Amar wraps around me like a fuzzy blanket. I hug my sides. Soon, I'm back at the dorms, sooner than I thought I would be.

"Found your jacket, I see." I jump. Four's voice startles me. "Although, that looks like the same one I saw Amar wearing at dinner. Care to explain?"

"I'm sure I don't have to explain anything to you." I say as I turn towards his voice. Sarcasm paints each word. I lean against the wall. "Thank you, by the way. Amar told me what you did."

A low laugh erupts from his throat. "Of course, now, how are you going to explain it to everyone else?"

"Easy, I won't have to. No one notices me enough to look at my hands." I yawn. "Come on, I've had a big day. Both of us need to go to sleep."

"Yeah. We should." He opens the door for me. "And people do notice you, you're just too scary after what happened with Eric to approach and talk to." I laugh at this but don't comment.

Instead, I crawl into my bunk. Tomorrow, I will have to face another fear simulation. Except now, if Amar dies, it won't be my boyfriend dying. It will be my fiancé dying. I shake that though out of my head. It's just a simulation. It's not real. Just a few more days and then it's on to stage three. For now, however, it's blissful sleep.

The next morning, I take a quick shower, not daring to take off my ring. When I wrap my towel around my body I realize my clothes were gone. Still dripping from my shower, I walk back into the dorms. I see Eric grinning evilly. In his hands, are none other than my clothes.

"Eric," I say, my voice has an edge to it. "Give me back my clothes."

"No." Eric says his voice as cold and as hard as my own. I raise my eyebrows. "Is that a tattoo I see?"

I roll my eyes. "Maybe. Come on, Eric. We only have a few minutes."

He crosses the room. He stops in front of me. "How low does the tattoo go?" He asks.

Geeze. What a creep. On second thought, I'll just go get new clothes. I roll my eyes again. Walking around to my bed, I grab more clothes. Going back to the bathroom, I quickly change out of my towel and into my new clothes.

As I walk out of bathroom I notice that Eric is pouting. A grin crawls up my face as I exit the dorms. I wait outside the simulation room. I replay last night over and over, in my head, each word, each touch, everything being how it was exactly. I cherish the memory and, for once, I'm glad that I have a photographic memory. Now, I will the memory, literally, forever. Before I know it, my name is called.

I walk into the room. Taking my usual seat in the chair, Amar gives me a warm smile as he inserts the serum. A slight groan of pain tries to escape my mouth but I don't allow it to. I swallow my pain and lay back, allowing the serum to take effect.

 **Well? What did you think? Is Four in character? Review and let me know!**


	11. last words

A/N: Hey guys! I really hope I'm doing well! Please review and enjoy the story!

I'm in the Pit. I look around. Walking a little ways, I see masked men with guns. This again? I ask myself. Then, I'm surrounded by people from my childhood. My parents, my preschool pals, my high school friends, everyone I grew up with. They all surround me, telling me how much they miss me at Erudite.

I can't help it, I am so happy to see them. Just as I am about to tell them this, the usual gun shots of terror pierce the air. Everyone scream and begins running around, frantic. I try to calm everyone down but they refuse to listen to me. Tears stream down my face as another person falls. They all run like wild animals, each getting shot in the process. Each gunshot kills one person.

Finally, the piercing sound halts. My cheeks are soaked from crying. I go to where my parent's body lay. Crouching down, I force myself to look at their faces.

This tears my heart to shreds. No one should have to go through this in real life. Sadly, parents die and it hurts. In Dauntless, the chasm is a welcome mat for elderly people and weak people. Instead of becoming factionless, they kill themselves. Kids have to find out when their parent's bodies are dragged out of the water. I just hope none of my friends have to go through anything that devastating.

I realize that my heart is pounding. Lying across their bodies, I cry over them. I cry over the fake deaths of the people I left. I cry and cry. I cry out their names and scream like a wild animal. Finally, when I feel like I've stayed in the simulation long enough, I force my heart rate to lower. I force my breathing to steady and I shoot up in the chair.

Running a hand through my hair, I calm myself down. I feel Amar's caring eyes bore into me. I look up at him and give him a small smile. Standing up, careful to not fall over, I force myself to walk out of the room. As much as I want Amar to wrap me in his arms and tell me that it's okay, I can't stay in there with him. No, now I much be as brave as any true Dauntless and walk out of the room, through the hall, to the area Amar and I first kissed. I slide down the wall and wait until dinner time. Glad to have time to think.

I don't feel like eating. I do notice that something isn't right when Amar doesn't come looking for me. I walk out to the dining hall. I see a blonde lady in a blue suite hiding halfway in the shadows, halfway out of the shadows. I cross my arms. There is only one person that I know that wears her hair like that and wears that horrible blue suit.

I walk up straight behind her, quiet not to let her know that I am behind her. She moves her hands to her hips. I look around to see a hallway nearby. Quickly, I wrap a hand through her arms and place a hand over her mouth and pull her into the hallway about a foot away.

I cannot believe that I am kidnapping my aunt.

"Keep quiet and you can walk away but I need to know some things." I whisper into her ear. I feel her pulse quicken as I bring her deeper into the hallway. Pushing her back against the wall, I'm sure to brace her shoulders and keep my hand over her mouth. Who knew that she would be afraid of her annoying niece. "Now, why are you here, Auntie Jean?"

I'm so close to her that I see her eyes widen. I remove my hand enough her to talk. "Abigail?" she breathes. "Let go of me at once!"

I pretend to think about that. "No. Answer my question: why are you here?"

"Divergents," she murmurs. "We think we found some." I scoff and drop my hand. Her precious Divergents. "They're real, Abigail."

"Whatever. Just…" I look her right in the eye. "don't hurt any of my friends if they're Divergents. And tell me folks I've missed them. They didn't bother to come to Visiting Day."

For once, her face softens. "I cannot promise not to hurt your friends. If they are a threat, they must be eliminated. Although, I can promise that if your parents answer me, that I will tell them you have missed them."

I release her shoulders. Quiet whisper shouts her name. I push her in their direction, glaring at her as she walks away. She stumbles, then straightens and begins to walk in that specific way of hers. I follow her at a safe distance. I see Amar and Four go into the simulation room with her. Guards stand by the closed door. If she hurts Amar or Four, I swear I will hurt her. She cannot hurt my friend or the man I will soon be marrying.

I watch for longer than I know. My stomach growls slightly. I ignore it. Finally, I see Four walk out. I look for Amar but he stays in the room. When Four passes me, I pull him to the side.

"What is going on in there?" I ask.

"I don't know." Four admits. He shrugs. "I had to go through another simulation. I guess Amar has to as well."

I nervously glance at the door. If Jeannine finds out that Amar is Divergent, she will "get rid" of him. I don't want that to happen. It would be my worst nightmare come to life.

"Four," I whisper. "if Jeannine finds what she's looking for, I know what she will do."

Four takes my arm, "Come on. You didn't eat anything tonight. Let's go get something to eat."

I nod. Following him, I think about what Auntie Jean said. I have light dinner. After dinner, I go to Amar's apartment. He's there.

Running into his arms, I hug him and tighten my grip on him.

"Woah," Amar says. "What's wrong?"

"My Aunt came to meet you and Four. I was worried." I answer honestly.

Amar smiles at me. "Oh, well, everything is fine. Now, come on. I want to get a new tattoo."

I grin, "Uhh… Okay." He takes my hand.

Walking to the Pit, I tighten my grip on his hand. When we arrive at the tattoo parlor, Tori is looking grumpy. With a big childish "please" from me and a sprinkle of Amar's charm, she agrees to do one more tattoo once she was awake enough.

Amar and I agreed to get each other's names. I got his name on my hip and he got my name on his shoulder blade. Before Tori kicks us out, she comments on my ring. I thank her and we shimmy out the door. Somehow, we migrate to our spot in the hallway.

He kisses me like he is afraid I'm going to leave him or something. Something's wrong. Our kisses start to become more passionate than ever before. He kisses my neck murmuring soft words that I can't hear or understand.

Gently, I push his shoulder. "What is it?"

"Nothing," He whispers. "I just love you and I don't want you to forget it."

Amar kisses me again. He wraps me in his arms like he usually does. This time, his hands play at the end of my shirt. Each movement gives me jolt of electricity. I cling to him as if my life depended on it, savoring each kiss and each part of him. I kiss his cheek, down to his neck back up to his lips. We both want the same things but are afraid to go the next step being this far into initiation.

Amar's fingers skim my bare skin. I shiver. He stops.

"I love you." he says.

"I love you, too" I whisper.

With those last words, I go into the room. I go to bed, loving him more than I thought possible.

A/N: What'd you think of Auntie Jean? Anyone surprised? Review and comment!


	12. death

A/N: This was the hardest chapter to write. Seriously, I thought I was going to cry while writing it. Enjoy!

In the morning, people run around like they've gone crazy. Hazily, I wonder that they have going on? Everyone murmurs that someone has died. The person jumped, they say. My curiosity gets the best of me. I move through the crowd, stopping when I hear his name: Amar.

I push people out of the way. Amar jumped? No, I just saw him last night. He's not dead. He can't be dead. There must be a mistake in identifying the person.

I continue to push through the crowd of people until I'm at the front of the crowd. There, I see the body bag. I see them zip it up to be taken away to wherever. My whole world slows down until it shatters completely.

No. This…. this isn't real. I'm in another simulation. Something… something isn't right. I stare at the blood stain on the stone floor. My Amar's blood stained the ground.

I rush forward until I am at the body bag. The men trying to take Amar away yell useless things at me. I drop to my knees, hearing nothing but muffled noise. I lay my hand on the bag, touching the bag fabric that burns my skin. I have to physically see if it's him. I carefully unzip the bag. There, in plain sight is Amar's pale face.

I choke on my own breath.

"No!" I shout. "Amar!" I lay across his body, in the bag. I allow every single tear to fall. I cry until the men pry me away and re-zip the bag. They take him away. They take the only man I ever truly loved away.

I stay on the cold stone floor. I hear people running past me. Where his name was engraved to my skin, begins to burn like fire. It burns like someone carved it with hot metal that just came out of the pit. I yell his name until my voice turns raw. I cry until I have my own puddle by my face.

Why did this have to happen? Why? Why? Why? This is my worst fear come to life. The simulation that I told myself that would never happen, is now true. It's now my reality.

I feel a hand come on my shoulder. I push it away. Someone crouches by me. They pull me into them, trying to sooth me. I hear different people trying to say different things to me. I turn into the person comforting me. Barely glancing at them, all I smell if Four.

"How can he just be gone, Four?" my voice barely croaks. My voice noticeably cracks on the word "gone".

"I don't know. I'm so sorry, Abby. I know how much you loved each other." His voice rumbles against my cheek. We move to the side of the wall.

"Excuse me." a male voice asks, "Are you, by chance, Abigail and Four?"

"Yes," Four answers. I'm afraid if I answer that I will begin crying again. So, I stay in my position on the ground, in Four's arms, nodding my head to the man.

"These were found in Amar's hands. They have your names on them." the man hands Four something. To me, he says, "I am so sorry for your loss. Amar talked about you a lot. We all knew he loved you. Even though we told him he was crazy for loving an initiate. His feelings were honest and true."

"Go away. I don't want to hear your apology. the man I love is dead. Leave me to mourn in peace." I spit at him.

Four places an envelope in my hands. I don't read it. I don't throw it away. I move closer to the wall, Four allowing me to lean my whole body against him. He reads his note. I stare at Amar's writing, my mind memorizing every stroke of the pen. When I glance at the letter in my hand, I see that my name is written beautifully. I cling to the note for dear life, not opening it quite yet. I'm not sure I want to read it. Although, I want to know what his last words were.

Why in the world would someone want to harm my Amar? My dead Amar, my mind reminds me bitterly. This is not just some simulation that I can just wake up from. I won't wake up and find him sitting in the chair, smiling at me. I won't feel his lips on mine ever again. I won't be able to marry him.

I glace at the ring wrapped around my finger. I loved him so much, now he's gone forever. I curl into Four again, continuing to cry until I can't cry anymore. Four whispers soothing words against my hair. I wipe my eyes with my fingertips.

Standing up, I quietly murmur a sort of thanks to Four, as I walk away.

I see the back of Max a few feet away. His back stands tall but he is figure is tight. I remember the feel of his lips when we played Dare and the slight look of jealousy after I kissed Max. I touch my hip, where Amar's name is engraved on my side, to my lips. I walk past Max, hoping not to be seen.

"Abby," Max's rough voice causes me to stop. He gently takes my arm. "I'm sorry, about Amar."

"Why do you care?" I spit at him. I don't know where this bitterness came from. I just don't want to be spoken to.

His eyebrows go up. "I don't. Your simulations have him in there. I had to watch a few." His hand runs down my hand. I see that he is holding my left hand. His thumb moves over my engagement ring. "Abby-?"

I pull my hand away. "You know nothing!" I yell. "The simulations show you nothing. They show you someone's deep and darkest secrets and fears, yes. But that's wrong and immoral and stupid! But-," I am inches away from his face. I drop my voice to a deadly whisper. "what do you or any other leader, care about what's right or what's wrong. It's not like it matters."

His dark eye look away from mine. I con only imagine my blue eyes looking shattered and my face looking like it's covered and stained with tear streaks. I wipe my eyes with my finger tips again. I back away from him. I don't care about the drinking or the funeral. I don't care that they're in a crumpled letter in my wet hands.

I turn away from him and run. I run as fast as my legs will carry me; wherever they carry me.

A/N: Well? Anyone else ready to cry? Cause I am. And I wrote it! PLEASE review and comment!


	13. afterwards

**So... after poor Abby find out Amar is dead, her reaction was hard to write... Let me know what you think!**

I find myself at an apartment. I knock on the door. No answer. Out of curiosity, I try the handle. I gasp when it opens. Fully turning the handle, I push open the door.

I remember when Amar shoved open the fear simulation door. I bite my lower lip, remembering that day. I try not to remember his smiling face but it's stuck in my head. It's permanently printed in my brain.

Once I open the door, the smell hits me like I ran into a brick wall. The smell of Amar's cologne surrounds me. I clutch the note in my hand. I walk to the bathroom, flicking on the medium light. Light shows the bottle of his cologne sitting on the counter.

I pick it up and study the small bottle. I picture him spraying it in the morning. How he would surround me in his scent. A scent that I took as comfort. The scent that is all around the room.

I set down the bottle and walk quickly to the bed. Still holding the note, I sit in the edge of the bed. The soft bed sinks in. I fall backwards until my back is flat on the mattress. A soft blanket is within my reach. Pulling it around me, I adjust until my back is against the wall.

I hold the envelope in my hand. Taking in a deep breath, I use my finger to open the top. Squirming in my place, I unfold the paper. I read note, hearing him speak every word.

 _My dear Abigail,_

 _I am so sorry I had to leave you like this. Know that I do love you. The engagement ring, the tattoo, every day we kissed, even the dress, they were allways I could show you that I love you. And, please wear the dress at least once. I would love it if you wore it soon._

 _It's strange; I knew you would somehow manage to make it to my room. You're not predictable, I just know you really well. And don't roll your eyes. No matter how cute you are when you do it._

I can practically hear him laughing as he says this in my mind. I roll my eyes at how predictable he makes me seem. He knows me a little too well. I continue reading.

 _I know you must hate me or have mixed feelings or whatever. But Abby, you must know I love you very much. To prove this, if you aren't already on my bed, go to it and go to my pillow. If you reach under it, you will find a little gift for you. This is stupid and it is really corny but I want you to have it. I was going to give to you after initiation. I guess that's not happening. Please, wear it proudly._

I roll my eyes again. I don't hate him. I miss him. I reach under his pillow to find a small box and another letter. I open the small box, setting aside the other letter. Inside the small box is a necklace. The necklace has an A painted blue with a black outline. He was right. This is stupid and corny but I love it anyway. I put it around my neck and continue reading the other letter.

 _I want you to have this room after initiation. I know its crazy… But I was hoping you would move it anyway. In my book, you are my wife. I know this is your biggest fear. For what I am putting you through, I am so so so sorry. I promise, one day we will see each other again._

 _If you do stay here, be sure to talk to Max. He's a good guy. He watched your simulation video and he know you and I were close. As much as you may not want to, be nice to him. Me and Eric aren't the only ones who love you. Be nice to the guy._

 _The other note basically says that I was going to give you the necklace when you became a full Dauntless. I love you, Abby. Remember that and never forget it._

 _Again, I love you and I am so sorry I am putting you through this._

 _Love,_

 _Amar._

I hold the paper in my hands. Max loves me? Eric loves me? Well, that I knew, but Max? Max is way older than Amar. He's the oldest Dauntless leader. He doesn't love me? Does he? I guess I should be nice to him. After all, I'm sure that I have to be if I want to move into this room before initiation ends.

 **Well? How is the reaction? Is it good? Do I need to change it? Please let me know!**


	14. Drunken

**Okay, I know it's been while... sorry about that, but I wasn't sure about how to have Abby's aftershock of Amar's death. So, let me know how I did!**

I stand up, dropping the blanket. Tears begin forming in my eyes. I hear him reading the note to me, over and over. I miss him so much. Gosh…. why did he have to leave?

Going to the closet, I grad one of Amar's sweaters. I pull it over my head. I can almost feel his arms around me. His scent surrounds me. I walk towards the door, not wanting to get caught up in the moment. I close the door, once I'm out. Tears lightly flow down my face.

I head down the hallway. I'm not sure how long I walked or how far. My tears are falling freely, now. I shake my head. No, I'm not going to cry. I try focusing on something else.

I focus on knowing where his apartment was. I don't remember him taking me to his apartment. So how did I know where it was? I shake my head. Then, I hear Amar's name being screamed. It sounds like chanting. Why are they chanting Amar's name? I run towards the voices.

I find the screaming crowd all: dressed in black, yelling, drinking, and completely going crazy. I want to join them. Drinking is the Dauntless way of having a funeral. Maybe I should join them… I push through the crowd. Multiple bottles get pressed to my hands.

I pass them to other Dauntless. I continue to press through the crowd. A small flask gets pressed to my hand. The alcohol scent doesn't drown the scent of Amar. I want to push him out of my mind, for now, at least. I want to forget about how he just left me here.

Taking a deep breath, I take a sip from the flask. Strong stinging liquid goes down my throat. I swallow all of the substance. It burns as it passes through me. I feel it go down my throat, through my rib cage, down my chest, finally sitting in the pit of my stomach.

How in the world someone can drink regulatory is beyond me. Not knowing what to do with the flask, I finish it. Each slip burns. I hear people shouting Amar's name again. I join them. I punch the air with the other drunken Dauntless. I trade bottles with another Dauntless. I drink bottle after bottle. I feel tears flowing down my face as I scream Amar's name.

I don't shout his name because he's gone and he is somehow a hero; I shout his name because I loved him. I will never find someone like him. I start towards the edge of the crowd. Multiple bottles get passed to my hand. I pass them on. Stumbling, another bottle gets pressed to my hand. This bottle is full, I decide to keep it and take a big swallow. Another burning sensation goes down my throat. I stumble towards the rail. I walk up the side ramp. I catch myself on the wall, constantly. I take large swallows of alcohol as I make my way up the side wall.

By the time I am halfway done with the bottle; I arrive at the rusty rail of the chasm. I lean against it, taking in a large gulp of alcohol. The rail groans from my weight. I stare at the chasm water going everywhere. I hear footsteps behind me. I don't bother to turn around. I speak what it going through my cloudy mind.

"He said he would see me soon." I tell the person behind me. "Do you think he meant when I died?"

"What?" the person behind me asks.

"I said, do you think that he was talking about when I died, he would see me again." I burp. Putting my free hand to my lips I say, "Excuse me." I gradually begin sliding sideways.

Almost instantly, hands grab my shoulders. "Abby!"

I look up at the person. It's Four. "Four! Hi! Oh, why the worried look on your face? Anyway, I miss him. You know that? I loved him sooo much!"

Four's face looks funny. His deep blue eyes are hard as stone. I touch his face with my hand. He is so hott. Why won't a nice girl date him? He seems kind enough, sweet enough. Besides, he is so strong. Although, I'm sure my Amary could have taken him.

Four leads me to the rock wall. Setting me down, Four takes the bottle of alcohol from me.

"Hey!" I protest.

Four chunks the bottle over the railing. I cross my arms and pout. "You don't want that. Trust me."

I look up at Four. He seems to be examining me. I hold his face with both of my hands. Wow, he is hott. I should… no. No, I shouldn't. But he's…. My head spins like a top.

"Four?" I gently pull him closer.

One of my hands floats down to his shirt. Wrapping my hand in the fabric, I pull his closer. "Hmm?" he asks, looking at what my hand is doing.

"Why don't you have a girlfriend?" I ask him. He is so hott and so kissable, right now. I grin as I think of his lips against mine. "I mean, you got the looks, the muscle, the hottness. You have it all."

He takes my hand, making my hand become cold than warm. "I don't know. I'm not really looking for one, right now."

I pull him closer. My face is centimeters away from his, my lips brushing his. "Bummer," I say through lips that are gliding against him. "You should have a line, by now."

He laughs and I smile. Closing my eyes, I pull myself into him. I snake my arms around him. My head is spinning. Each concrete thought is floating off into space. I feel him tense, slowly relax. I'm relaxed fully. Maybe it's from the alcohol, making me dizzy and light. Or maybe it's from Four, being such a tease. He sits, leaning against the wall. He pulls me into his lap. I wrap my legs around his waist. We kiss until our lips are raw, each breathing heavily. This is so much better than the gross drink, I can taste on our lips.

We continue to kiss until Four pushes me away.

"No," he says, trying to catch his breath. "You're just mourning. I miss Amar, too. But this isn't you. Mourn in some other way, please."

I take in a few deep breaths, "Why? I loved him! I just want to take my mind off of Amar. Have a distraction." I go to kiss him, again, but he stops me, shaking his head. I lean onto his chest. "Why," I sob. "Why did the love of my life leave me?" I cry into his chest, calling out his name every few minutes.

Four holds me like a child. He holds me while I cry for Amar. Finally, my voice becomes raw, so I just cry until Four's shirt is covered in my tears. Four carries me to Amar's room, in his arms. I close my eyes as my head begins to pound.

Stupid me, for getting drunk and almost ruining my friendship with Four. Stupid alcohol, for making me drunk. Stupid Amar, for dying on me. Stupid everything!

Four sets me on the bed and wraps me in some blankets, placing a waste basket near the edge of the bed. Before he walks out, I call to him.

"Four?" He turns his head. "Could you stay?" He considers that, for a moment, before nodding..

Getting a blanket and a pillow, he lays a few feet away from me. I try to go into a decent night's rest, but I can't. My stomach begins to reject the alcohol. Reaching for the wastebasket, Four is up and holding my hair out of my face. I spit into the basket and lean on the bed. Four sets the basket downs and leans on the bedside.

"Maybe I should just stay up with you?" Four's soft voice echoes off of the walls. It makes my head spin. "Do you think that will be easier?"

"Yeah," I whisper. "Just please stop talking."

This continues all night. I am never touching that mess again.

 **Well? Please review and PM me! Love yall bunches!**


	15. The hangover

A/N: Sadly, I do not own Divergent... Anyway, sorry for the long post! Merry Christmas yall!

I wake up with a splitting headache. Oh… my head. I feel someone's arms around me, their breath hot against the back of my neck. I try not to become as stiff as a board. A soft whimper comes from the person holding me tight against them. I rack my brain, trying to remember who brought me to the room? It was Four, right? Yes, yes it was Four. Then that would mean… I try not to let myself finish that thought.

"Morning," Four whispers. "Feeling any better?"

I love how soft his voice is, it's warm and comforting. "Yeah," I whisper back. "I just have a splitting headache."

"Oh," Four replies. He unwraps his arms from around me. Instantly, cold hits back. I try not to shiver. "Sorry about that." He sounds embarrassed.

I roll over, looking at his face, "Sorry about what?" I tease. "My headache or cuddling without my permission?"

He lightly laughs. "Both." I laugh at him. Four always makes me laugh.

I have flashes of last night, us kissing, my heavy drinking. I put my cool hand on my head. Ow… that hurts. Remembering hurts my head. I groan. Four looks at me with concern.

"Events of last night. Ouch." I place my other hand on my forehead. Four chuckles. "Thank you bringing me here."

"Yeah, well, it was nothing. Now, come on. We don't want to miss breakfast."

I climb off the bed, almost falling over. Four gently takes my arms, keeping me steady. I look up at his young face. His eyes shine bright, sparkling as close as we are. My hair falls in my face, blocking my view of him. Releasing my arm, he swipes my hair behind my ear. I love how kind he is to me. I blink at him and mouth the words 'thank you'. He nods at me with a small smile.

He looks so… No, he's my friend. Yesterday, I found out that I lost the love of my life. He was the man I was sure I was going to marry. Now he's gone. I can't be falling for Four? Could I? No.

Four releases my arm and we change into better clothes. Quickly, I jump in the shower. The hot water hits my back. At first, it hurts and stings my skin but the longer I stay in the hot water, the better it feels.

I pull on a pair of Amar's sweat pants and a t-shirt. The clothing clings to my damp skin, making his cologne surround me again. The smell makes me dizzy. I miss him so much. He should be the one waking up next to me, not Four.

I hug the shirt tight to my body. Slipping on my shoes, I go out to where Four is waiting for me.

Together, we walk to the cafeteria. The walk is slow and silent. The silence is loud and annoying, making my head pound. When we get to the cafeteria, Max is standing where the initiates are. His back is turned to us. From what I can tell from my view, the initiates look scared and Max is not happy. The noise from the people chattering makes my head pound even harder.

"I don't care about any of that. I need to know where they are!" I hear Max partially shout, as we near the table. Oh no… is all I have time to think as one girl weakly points to us. We walk up to the table as Max spins around. "Abby! Four! Why weren't you in the initiates dorm? They tell me that you didn't show up for dinner or anything."

Four opens his mouth to say something but I beat him to it. "I just needed to get out of that dorm. We stayed with one of our Dauntless members friend's house. We apologize."

Max walks closer to us. I can feel Four tensing beside me. Max comes right to my face and drops his voice. "I was worried, Abby. Next time, tell someone." I nod. He straightens. "Next time, be sure to tell someone if you will not be going back to the dorms. You should always sleep in the dorms but just in case something were to happen, let someone know. That goes for all of you."

With that, he leaves us. Everyone stares at us in shock or discuss. I can see that Eric is just smirking in the background.

Making my way to him, he noticeably straightens. "Look, I don't know what you're thinking but no." I tell him, my voice in a whisper. "Don't mess with me, right now. I'm not in the mood."

My low voice wipes the smirk off of his face. His face now serious, he takes my wrist and pulls me from the loud group of Dauntless. Quickly, I grab some food from tables we pass. Eric continues to pull me outside into the hallway, through the different curves and bends in the rocks of the Dauntless compound. I wonder, as I bite into my quick breakfast, how many times he has walked these halls, memorizing them.

Finally, he pulls me into a side room. He yanks me closer to him. I can smell the Dauntless soap on him. His hand gazes the bottom of my back.

He lowers his voice to the point that if I wasn't in his face, I wouldn't be able to hear him. "You worried me and Max, you know. We didn't know where you were."

"I'm sorry. I just had to get away from everything." I look at where his bright blue eyes would be, if they weren't hidden by the darkness.

His warm lips come down my neck, "What do you mean?"

I try not to shiver. "I don't want to go into any of that." I sigh, "Or this, for that matter." I gently push him away.

He sighs, "I understand. I know that you had a thing with Amar. I'm sorry that he's gone."

I turn away, "I gotta go." Quickly, before he can say anything, I walk through the hallways.

Somehow, I arrive at the door that we wait at for stage two

"Good, you're early." Max deep voice startles me.

I spin around. "I just needed to go for a walk. Somehow," I gesture to the area, "I manage to make it here."

He smiles and takes a step closer to me. "I'm glad you're okay but we have to get through stage two. I think after today and a few extra days will be when we move into stage three."

I sigh in relief. "Finally."

He cups my face. I hate the feeling of knots in my stomach when he lightly kisses me. I can't help but I think of Amar and how he would accuse me of cheating. I kissed Four when I was drunk, I'm a cheater. Now Max is kissing me and I'm just letting him. Again, I'm a cheater and I hate it. Placing a hand on his chest, I push him away with tears in my eyes.

"No," I squeak. "I-I can't."

I feel his heartbeat speed up as he whispers, "O-Okay. I'm sorry. That was stupid of me."

"I should be the one that is sorry. I-I just can't." I cover my face with my hands.

Max runs a hand over my head. I am such an idiot. Amar is gone and how to I comfort myself? By kissing my best friend, Max, and almost Eric. Max's gentle hands run smoothly over my knotted hair. We hear the other initiates coming from breakfast, ready to face their fears. Max scoots past me, into the room. I slide down the wall, preparing myself to see Amar in my simulation.

A/N: Well? Please review and tell me how I'm doing!


	16. another simulation

Max calls my name. Standing up, I brush myself off from the dust on the ground. I walk into the simulation room, slowly. Max shoots an annoyed glance at me. I'm not sure why. Maybe because he has seen all the future Dauntless cower from their fear. Or maybe he's just having a bad day? I 'm too afraid to ask, at the moment.

Max doesn't say anything as I climb into the chair. I watch him as he fills the needle up with the serum. Watching Max, he moves swiftly: filling the syringe, walking over to me, moving my hair to push the serum into my body, and finally hooking himself up to the machine. So smooth in his movements.

Slowly, the serum take me under. I wake up in Amar's room. His room looks like it did when me and Four stayed here, last night. I suck in a breath when I feel strong arms wrap around my middle. Warm lips nuzzle my neck.

"I've missed you, Abby." Amar whispers. "I love you so much. I'm so terribly sorry that I left."

Turning in his arms, I wrap my arms around his neck. I burry my head in the crook of his neck, whispering back, "I missed you too. But, the thing is that you're not the real Amar. You may have felt that way when you were alive and before you died but you're not really here."

Amar laughs, "What do you mean? Of course I'm here! Could I do this if I wasn't?" He lifts me off the ground and spins me, laughing as he does it. "And we're going to get married when I see you again. For now, though," he lifts up my chin, making me look him in the eyes. His light brown eyes sparkle. Dipping his head down, he kisses my lips, "I'm here. And I really don't want to go again." His soft voice makes my head spin.

His warm lips make me buzz as he speaks and as he kisses me. I love him and I miss him and I want him to be real. Amar chuckles as he pulls me closer. I try not to think about how much I miss his warmth radiating around me. I know I should stop torturing myself and wake up from this simulation, but something makes me stay. Maybe it's because I know that in reality, he isn't he anymore.

Amar gently pushes me away. "I'll see you again. Give it time." He kisses me again.

Tears spark behind my eyes. The sound of gunshots being to ring. Amar's kind face turns from happy to having a painful expression. He clutches my arms. This isn't how he died, yet it feels like it. It feels like he died this way and feel off of the edge of the walkway.

"No! Not again! Please!" I cry as we both fall to the ground. Amar's lifeless eyes stare up at me. I scream his name, clutching onto him. "I can't loose him again! Please, stop!" Tear begin to stream down my face.

I wake up from the simulation, gasping. I can't face Max. Curling myself into a ball, my head pounds as I cry. I continue to cry, even as Max pulls me into him. He puts his strong arm around me, as if it would protect me from any harm. His heartbeat beats against my ear. Somehow, it calms me enough to relax a bit.

"Come on," he says, "You were the last one. Let's go to my place, you need some time alone."

Nodding, I stand up. Together we walk to his apartment. Max the Dauntless leader, letting me stay with him for a while. He's allowing me to stay with him as I ball like a baby. This is unreal. Yet I am sure that stranger thing have happened.


	17. getting information

**Alright, time for some drama! I hope that I'm not making the story crawl or anything... Please let me know if I am! Okay, happy reading!**

Max is apartment is bare. His bed is tucked in tight, his dresser is perfect and neat. It looks as if the room is just for show. I walk around the clean room, taking in every detail. I see his couch and coffee table, both have papers stacked upon papers. Stacks upon even more stacks.

I sit down on the edge of the couch and wipe my eyes. "Looks like you've been busy."

Max laughs, "Yeah, Dauntless leaders have to deal with all of the paperwork."

Gliding my eyes over the paper, a few names and words catch my eye: _Dauntless, Divergent, Eric, Erudite, Jeanine,_ and _Amar_.

My eyes hover above that name. What do Eric and Amar have to do with that crazy thing about the Divergents that Jeanine is always talking about? Amar is Divergent… What if Jeanine found out that Amar was Divergent and killed him? Could she do that? Does she know? No, that can't be. Could it?

"I'm sorry for crying like that." I stare at the ground. "You didn't have to bring me here." My mind stays on the thought that of Amar and my Aunt.

I look away from the ground, up at Max. " Nonsense. I understand now," Max says with his back turned. "I understand why you didn't want to kiss me. It was stupid."

I stand up and go over to him. "No. It wasn't your fault. I'm just living my worst fear, right now. You didn't know."

I hate that Max thinks that this is his fault. It isn't. I wrap my arms around Max's chest. He relaxes in my arms. Letting out a loud sigh, he turns in my arms, to face me. I look up at his face.

"It is my fault. I'm sorry." What is he talking about? "I am so so so sorry." He hugs me tightly. Murmuring random things. Is he going crazy? What the heck is wrong with him?

I pull him to the edge of the bed. "Max?" I ask in a worried tone. I try again, "Max?" Finally, I yell his name. "Max! Look at me!" He looks into my face. I can tell that he's trying to hold it together and he's failing miserably. Whatever he did must have really messed him up. "Start from the beginning. What happened?"

His brown eyes plead with me. He looks broken, shattered. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it. He shakes his head. Even strong people break at some point. I don't want to push him but I have to know what is happening to him. I stand up, it has been a long day. I need to go. Maybe he can tell me later, when he isn't so shaken up.

"I'm going to head back. I need to get some sleep." I head to the door.

"Abby," I hear Max whisper. "Can you stay? Please, I don't want to be alone." His voice cracks. Whatever made him this way must have been horrible.

I turn to face him. His face says how much he trust me. Anyone else, he wouldn't invite them in here or let them see him like this; he really trusts me. Walking back, he lays on the bed.

I curl up to him. The couch is too messy to sleep on and he isn't offering the bed. So why not? He snakes his arm around me, relaxing fully. I hear him sigh, slowly trying to drift into sleep. Looking back at the couch, I think about why Amar's name would be in the stack of papers. Is Max responsible for Amar's death?

A few hours later, after detangling myself from Max's arms, I crawl out of the bed. I stretch, working out some kinks in my muscles. Walking to the bathroom, my eyes are drawn to the pile of paper on Max's coffee table. I wonder…..

I shake my head. I shouldn't be nosey. I walk to the bathroom. After splashing my face with cool water, I take in a deep breath. I hate that I don't know why he really died. I have to find out.

I quietly rummage through drawers for a flashlight. I read in book, I don't remember which one, about how to dim a flashlight. Following the instructions, I manage to get the flashing bright enough that it won't wake up Max.

I move a few piles of paper and search for the paper with Amar's name. Finally, I find it. I begin reading.

 _To: Max_

 _From: Jeanine M._

 _Subject: You know_

 _Max, following our previous meeting, I have found our next threat thanks to Eric. I don't care what measures you must take to handle our little situation. The simulations has shown that Four isn't a Divergent. However, that other man…. Amar, was it? He showed a few signs hitting toward that he was, indeed, Divergent. He needs to be eliminated. Our little happy helper has said that he seems attached to another one. Take care of it!_

 _I will see you at our next meeting._

Eliminated? I stare at the word. It means to take it away. If he really was Divergent, and Auntie Jean found out… I shake my head, Please tell me I'm wrong.

I search through other paper with his name on it.

 _To: Jeanine M._

 _From: Max_

 _Subject: You Know_

 _Amar is a valued member of my staff. I can't just….. Can we please find another way? Besides, I think Amar has eyes on your niece. I've seen them around the compound. Are you really going to put your niece through that?_

I swallow over the lump forming in my throat. At least Max fought for Amar. I shuffle through the papers. What made this happen? I do my best not to wake up Max.

I find some papers talking about information gathered throughout the years. Seems like Amar hinted towards Divergence but it was never confirmed. I take in as much information as I can. Not long after I started, I've read over a third the information. My eyelids begin to grow heavy.

I should stay up and read over more information, just in case Max doesn't invite me here again. On the other hand, it's past midnight and I am really sleepy. My mind and body arguing with each other, eventually my body wins.

I place all of the papers in the order that I found them. Putting the flashlight in the corner of the bookcase, I climb back into bed. Max's arms automatically snake around me.

"Stay," I hear him whisper. I slightly chuckle.

I absorb the warmth radiating from him. "I will," I whisper back.

With those last words of the night, I slowly sink into the wonderful bliss that we call sleep.

 **Well? What do you think? Please review! Love ya bunches!**


	18. Fearlandscape, Again

So, now is when it gets interesting. Please leave a review.

The next few days are the same. I go through that horrible simulation, cry my eyes out over Amar, then Max takes me to his place.

People have asked where I go after the simulations. I tell them that I find a random hallway and have some "me time."

Whenever I'm at Max's apartment, I read over any information he has laying on his couch and coffee table. Max still doesn't know that I have been reading this. I just wish I could discuss it with him, but I can't. Max thinks that I love him. Sure, I care for him as a friend, but the time I'm in his apartment, I use to look over what free information I can absorb.

Each day, more papers are added to the table. Each night, I read the them. I have taken in so much information, I feel as though my brain is going to explode!

Most days, when I read over what my Aunt wanted Max to do to Amar, I'm glad that Max has feelings for me. In the piles of paper that I have read, almost willingly, Max has taken out "Divergent threats". With Amar, he was different. He understood that I cared for Amar and because Max cares for me, he tried putting up a fight for Amar.

Auntie Jean, however, didn't understand why.

I'm beginning to wonder what Divergent threats would look like to Max and my Aunt. The people on the paper seem like red flags going up but I bet that if you met them in person that they would be kind people. Not Amity kind but kind as far as Dauntless standards go. Almost like Amar was. Afterall, me and Amar are Divergent.

As much as I shouldn't ask, I really want to know what a "Divergent threat" would look like, as far as on paper and in person.

From Max's view anyway.

I look over at the slumbering Max. He's been having bad dreams lately: twitching and fighting in his sleep. His dark brown face is pulled in, hard, as if he were scolding someone in his dream. I stand up from the couch, careful to place all of the papers where I found them. I walk over to him crouched next to the bed.

Running my hand over his scruffy beard, a smile comes across his sharp features in the night. I crawl into bed next to him.

How can it be that he may have been responsible for Amar's death and I don't hate him? I'm laying in the same bed as the man who killed Amar.

I release a long sigh. This is too much to handle. According to all of the papers and emails, there is an Erudite leak in Dauntless and a certain leader killed Amar.

This stinks like cow poop.

I feel his arm snake around me, like every other night. Tomorrow will be the fear landscape day. Again, I have to face my horrible two fears. Hopefully, this time, won't go crazy like I did when I first when through it.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Max whispers in my ear. He kisses my neck, tightening his grip around me.

I shiver, "Not really. You will be there, right?" I try to make my voice sound hopeful. Surprisingly, it works.

"Of course. Then, afterwards, we can come here for the few hours before the ceremony" He sounds confident that I will do well.

What if Amar, like every other time, shows up and I go crazy? What do I do?

"I'm not as confident as you." I mumble over my shoulder.

He leans over me lightly placing a kiss on my lips. "You'll be fine. You should get some sleep. Why are you up anyway?"

Sleepily, I yawn, "Been catching up on some reading. Your books are very fascinating."

He laughs, half-heartedly. "Yeah, they're something else. Well, good night."

"Night."

The next morning, I throw on the dress that Amar liked. As I put on the gorgeous dress, I sense Eric staring at the tattoo of the Dauntless hurricane. Honestly, today, I don't really care. I slip on my tennis shoes and head towards the fear landscape room.

When I get there, I sit in the back row, watching as everyone goes in and out of the room. Some watch the screens, watching how their peers react in face of their deepest fears.

Out of the corner of eye, I see Four standing by the wall. Standing up, I quietly walk over to him. I double tap his shoulder. Startled, he turns around to face me.

"Hey!" Four says in a quiet tone. A smile on his face. "Nice dress."

I look down at the dress. "Thanks. Amar helped me pick it out." I look at my shoes. "Ready for this?" I look back at Zeke and his group of friends.

A bit of his smile fades, looking at his shoes as he mumbles "Not really. Are you? Because of who will make an appearance?"  
I run my hands through my soft hair. I whisper "I can handle it. Look, Four, after this, I need to talk to you."

Then, my name is called. I look at his face, a slight grin still painted on. Finally, he nods.

With that, I take in a deep breath, and I enter the room, after Max injects me with the serum.

I try to take in steady, even breaths, but they come out shaky. When I get reach the center of the room, I face the two glasses, preparing for the worst.

"Abby!" his voice calls. I'm tackled from behind with familiar warmth.

I feel my heart flutter at his sound and touch.

I turn in the arms of the person hugging me to find none other than Amar, grinning as usual. "Wow, you look great! I am so glad you're here. I know that today is a big day for you, and all."  
I let out a laugh. A real laugh. One that I haven't let out in a while. "Why thank you! Yeah, it's a big day. I'm glad to see you too."

He gently places his warm lips on mine. His lips on mine make my world disappear. I try to keep from getting wrapped up in this wonder moment but, instead, I find myself wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, pulling us together. I forget that this is a simulation. For a moment, I forget that Max killed him. For a moment, I'm happy.

Then, he's gone. Poof.

"Abby!" Amar's voice calls. He sounds like he's in pain. "Abby, where are you?"

I look up to find two masked men and Amar on the edge of the walkway.

"Amar!" I shout, knowing what will happen. My heart begins to pound harder and harder.

I look away and squeeze my eyes shut as I hear a gunshot and the sickening sound of bones and flesh slapping the pavement.

I start running to him, anger bubbling inside me. "Amar!" I scream. "No! No, no… Please, Amar!" I drop down, next to his sprawled body. My precious Amar, gone again.

The lights momentarily dim, taking away Amar's crumbled body and the scenery. When the lights come back on, the two masked men are standing in front of me.

One is shorter and slim; the other is taller and buffer.

The shorter one: Eric, I assume, charges at me. I jump straight up, feeling a tightness in my side. I kick his head back. The sound of a neck snapping makes my stomach flip and my heart start pounding again. When ww land on the ground, I rip his mask off to find. sure enough, Eric's face. His once bright eyes, now dead and cold. Eric's body vanishes.

The buffer one, Max, charges at me. I take my time with him.

Max throws a sloppy punch at me. Easily dodging it, I use his arm to swing him into where the glass to the tech room would be.

I picture Max and the other Dauntless leaders gasping at the sight.

He stands and begins running at top speed. Fake Max tries to attack. I hit some pressure points on his body, causing him to fall instantly. I crouch down, looking into his eyes. I give him an evil grin as I hit two pressure points that I have never used.

The two pressure points that, unless released within 30 seconds, will kill a person instantly.

I don't release it. Instead, I stand and glare down at the simulation version of Max. I don't rip his mask off because I know that it would ruin him. I don't want that to happen to him. I do want him to feel the same pain I felt over Amar.

Then the lights come up, giving me the signal to join my friends.

 **Well? How was it? Please review or PM me!**


	19. Running Away

**Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and this story. I hope that all of you have enjoyed it. No, it's not done yet... I just wanted to thank you.**

Once I am out the door, Max takes my arm. His grip is tighter than usual. Along with how tight his muscles are, I can easily tell that he is not happy. Dragging me, he slams the door when we arrived at his apartment.

"What the heck was that?" he yells in my face. "I can't even process what I just saw so you better start explaining, Abby."

I yank my arm out of his tight grip, not showing how much I want to hurt him back. Instead, I straighten myself. With a straight face, I say, "Well, you explain why you and Eric killed Amar and I think you'll figure out why I did what I did in my fear landscape."

His eyebrows go up. "Why do you care about Amar, anyway?"

All of a sudden, the door opens. Walking through the threshold is none other than Auntie Jean. She studies me. "Hello Abigail. Hello Max. Max, you did not come to the last meeting. Our source tells us you had relationship issues." She looks at me. "I see why."

I walk up to her. Two Dauntless stand in front of her, protectively. With a tap on their shoulders, they move. Mustering up all of my courage, I embrace my Aunt in a hug. "Hi Auntie Jean. Did you tell my parents I said I missed them?"

Slowly, her cold heart makes her return the hug. "I did. They said they hope you are adjusting well and they apologize for not visiting you on Visiting Day."

I feel tears form in my eyes. Tightening my hold on her, I allow myself to show emotion in front of my Aunt. For the first time since I was a baby, I cry in her arms.

"I miss them, Auntie Jean. I miss Amar. I miss my old home. I do not miss the monster that you have become, though." I scream into her coat. I can feel myself falling to my knees. "Why did you have to kill Amar? This is crazy. We were going to get married, for crying out loud!" I push away from Auntie Jean. My voice drops, "Why? Why couldn't you have just let me live happily with him?"

Everyone in the room stare at me, dumbfounded. Allowing my tears to flow freely, I run out of the apartment. I run all the way to the initiates room. I bolt in, grabbing the bag that my dress came in, flagging in on my old bed. I stuff all the clothes I own into the bag. I am glad that no one is in the room to see me like this. If Auntie Jean had just let Amar live and she had just never came up with the Divergent theory, none of this would have happened.

After I finish gathering my things, I do the only thing I know to do: I run. I run until I can't breath. When I stop, I see the train coming. As soon as it races past, I laugh as I begin to run, again. Picking a random cart, I pull myself into it. Dropping my bag, I collapse on the ground.

"Going somewhere?"

I jump as I turn to find Four sitting in the cart. "Gosh, Four! You scared me!"

He comes to sit by me. He asks, "Where are you going?"

I sigh, "I don't know. I just have to go somewhere. I don't want to return to this pace. It's stupid to think that I can escape Auntie Jean. But- but I have to! I have to disappear for a while."

His face drops. "So what are going to do? Pretend to die? You can't just leave."

I look up at his face. His blue eyes are sad, his face relaxed. I could read the worry and disappointment on it. "I have to. Tell Max, or anyone who asks, that I missed the building when I jumped. I'll disappear to Amity, maybe. That way they don't ask where I am. Factionless is also an option. Maybe the Amity leader, Joanna will take me in."

He takes my left hand, looking at the ring he helped Amar buy for me. "I'm going to miss you. Just please," he pulls me closer to him. "please come back. You have people here who care about you."

The train suddenly slows, "I will. Right now, I just need time to think." I take a risk, I kiss his cheek. "Bye, Four."

I stand up and gather my things. Looking at his face, I see his cheeks blush slightly. Jumping off, I begin to cry again. I am leaving my problems behind for, what? To gather my thoughts? I'm running away to take time away from everything.

When I land, I turn to face the leaving train. I spot Four waving. Lifting my hand, I allow tears to come down my cheeks. I will miss him. I will miss our friends. But I need time to think.

 **Poor Abby, she doesn't know what to do. Please review with your opinions.**


	20. Meeting Amity

**So our next chapter! Thanks to everyone who is reading! Btw, I do not own anything.**

When I arrive at the Amity farms, I'm surprised at the number of people in the fields. I slip down into the wheat field. Taking off my dress, I quickly change into some simple Dauntless jeans and t-shirt. Crawling on my forearms and knees, I sneak as quietly as I can farther into the fields, with my bag.

I stop, when I see shoes in my face. I look up to see a little girl, about 5 years old, stare at me. The girl is cute. She has short brown hair with her slightly tan skin shinning from her bright yellow sundress.

"Hi!" the little girl squeals. "Why are you on the ground, Silly Billy?"

"I- uh- I was just…" I try to think of how I can explain this. "I was looking for my ring. It's really important to me. Can you help me look for it? I don't want you to get your dress dirty, though"

She drops beside me. "It's fine. I would love to help you look! I'm Lilly, by the way."

Smiling, I introduce myself, "I'm Abby."

Taking off my ring I toss it behind her as she searches the dirt in front of her.

"Where did you last see your ring?" she curiously asks.

I hold up my hand, replying sarcastically, "On my hand. Maybe it's behind you?"

Turning, she holds something up. "Here it is!" Lilly has a huge smile on her face.

Giving her a large smile back, I thank her. I slip my ring back on.

I decide to ask her, "Do you know where Joanna is?"

Lilly pops up, lending me a hand she says, "Yeah, come on, I'll take you to her."

Being pulled through Amity, Lilly takes me to where Joanna's office is located. I take in the Amity compound. Everywhere I look, I hear people laughing and joking with each other. I see people working in the fields. Some people are even singing while they work.

Finally, we arrive at Joanna's office. Without stopping, Lilly bursts through the door.

Automatically, I stop. Starring right at me is the famous Joanna. I read when I was in Erudite that Joanna is the leader at Amity and she is very understanding. I hope that she will allow me to stay for a while.

"Lilly? Why have you brought this Dauntless woman, here?" Joanna asks. "And how did you get so dirty?

Lilly giggles. "This is Abby. I was helping her look for her ring that she lost. She asked me to bring her to see you."

"Actually," I pipe up. "I asked if she knew where you were. Sorry for the interruption."

I began to back away before she called out, "No, no. It's fine. We were just finishing up. Danny, please take Lilly to the stables. I'm sure she would like to pet the nice horses. Right, Lilly?"

"Yes! Yes!" she exclaimed, while jumping up and down.

Danny, the boy Joanna was talking to before we rudely interrupted them, smiles warmly and takes Lilly away. Waving my good-bye, Lilly leaves with Danny.

Joanna smiles kindly, "Now, why is a Dauntless here, of all places?"

I chuckle as I place my bag on the ground. "I came to ask a large favor of you." Joanna raises her eyebrows. "I came to ask if I could temporarily become a part of Amity. I need time away from my faction."

Joanna taps her chin. "Why? Why should I allow you to stay here and why do you need time away from your faction?

I breath in deeply. "You see, I have had issues with my faction. I need time to gather my thoughts. I understand that you can reject me. I am just asking that you consider allowing me to stay."

Joanna considers this for a moment. "I'll tell you what, I will allow you to stay on three conditions." Happily, I nod. She holds up one finger. "One, you explain what you mean by 'issues with your faction'. Two," she holds up a second fnger, "you act like an Amity. Meaning chores, attitude, everything. And finally," she holds up a third finger, "I must ask that you stay with Lilly and her parents. Lilly needs a friend and she seems to like you. As long as you follow these conditions, you may stay."

"Oh, thank you!" I jump up. Joanna comes from behind her desk. Pulling her into a large hug, I whisper, "Thank you, so much."

Joanna smiles. "You are welcome. Dinner's at seven. Lilly will take you to get new clothes. Don't be late, please."

I get my bag and start towards the door. "I won't. Thank you, again."

I head towards a large barn, where I see Lilly and Danny petting the animals. Smiling, I greet them. Danny, a young teenager, smiles brightly. His bright smile and tan skin remind me of Amar's smile. I wonder if I should have gone somewhere instead of a place where Amar could have joined.

I miss him so much. Here, I've come to think about everything that has happen. How Amar and I would've been married after initiation. How Four and Zeke and Shauna were my best friends. How Max is a monster, just like my Aunt. Still, Max may have put up a fight for Amar, but in the end, Amar still died.

"Abby!" Lilly squeals, pulling me back to reality. I look at her. "I asked you what Joanna said."

I crouch down to her. "Joanna said that you could get me some clothes and that I can stay with you."

Her face lights up. "Really? That's great!" She brings me into a big hug. "I'm so happy you're staying."

I hug her small body. "Me too, kid. Me too."

"Let's go get you some clothes!" Again, she pulls me. Lilly pulls me into a run. Together we run to a small house. "Mama!" Lilly shouts. "Ma, you here?"

"In the back, Lilly." a woman responds.

Lilly takes my bag, dropping it on the couch, she takes me back to where her mother is. Her mother mumbles something, when we step through the door. As she takes down the dry clothes, I realize where Lilly gets her light brown hair and brown eyes from.

"Mama, this is Abby. She's going to be staying here for a while, if that's alright?"

Lilly's mom smiles, "It's nice to meet you, Abby. I'm Mary. My husband, Joe, is working in the fields." Mary holds out her hand.

"It's nice to meet you, as well." I shake her hand. "Would you happen to have any clothes in my size?"

Mary laughs, "You look my size. Here," she tosses some off the clothes line, "try these."

Thanking her, I slip into the house. Finding the bathroom, I take off my Dauntless shirt. I stare at myself in the mirror. When I first came to Dauntless, I was a small Erudite girl that could barely lift a gallon of water. After training, I became a Dauntless woman that could kick a guy's butt if they got her mad. Now, I must become a silly Amity girl. Every Amity that I ever met was silly and light. Can I be that?

Still, I place a hand on my scar. I will always have a Dauntless side to me. Thanks to Eric, I will always have a reminder of my time at Dauntless.

I slip on the orange shirt. It fits loosely. Good, I don't want anyone knowing about my back or side. Allow me to rephrase that, I want to forget about Dauntless, at least for a while.

 **Well? What do yall think? Please review, if you will.**


	21. Staying

**Now, we take a journey with Abby as she has her first dinner with Amity. Let's see how it goes! By the way, I do not own anything. This is all Veronica Roth. Also, I haven't read Insurgent in a if there are any details about the Amity compound that are incorrect, please PM me and let me know!**

After I finish changing into my new clothes I step outside. Immediately, I am greeted with a big smile and hug from Lilly. I try not to grunt in a short burst of pain. Still my side hurts from that horrible day in imitation. Slowly, it's healing.

Lilly takes my hand in her small one, as we walk down the hallway. "Mama wants to know how long you are going to stay with us."

"I will have to talk to her about that tonight, after dinner," I say smiling down at her.

Mary greets us when we enter the living room. "Alright you two, it's time for dinner. Abby, will you be joining us in walking to the dinning area?"

I feel Lilly's big brown eyes stare up at me. I ruffle her hair. "Of course. What is for dinner tonight?"

Mary shrugs her shoulders, her orange shawl rising and falling. Turning towards the door, we begin to start towards the dinning area. I wonder what we will have. I know bread and juice. Maybe a salad?

I hope I'm not asked to eat the bread. I read in Erudite that each faction has a serum. I wasn't supposed to read any of this but it was lying around in Auntie Jean's office. Amity's serum is placed in their bread. The serum is called peace serum, which makes the person silly and happy, like all Amity. I'm afraid that I will be expected to eat the bread and I will go crazy on happiness. Although at times, that sounds nice. I hope that doesn't happen.

We continue to walk for sometime. Eventually coming to a large dome area. Before we come within a yard of the dome, I can hear the laugher of everyone inside. Lilly takes her mother's hand and pulls her along with me, hurrying us along.

"Come on!" Lilly whines, "If we don't hurry we won't find any good seats."

Mary pushes her daughter forward. "Go on and find us three seats. I need to speak with Abby, for a moment."

"But- but-" Lilly stampers. "Okay."

Lilly skips on ahead, leaving me with Mary.

I sigh. "What is it you wish to speak with me about?"

"Abby," Mary begins, "how long will you be staying?"

I stare at the ground, stopping just outside the door. "To be honest, miss, I'm not sure. I can to Amity to think. Not intelligently thinking but emotional thinking. Do you know what I mean?"

Mary gently takes my arm, leading me away from the crowd of people trying to go through the door. "Abby, I don't mind you staying and I am sure that Joanna trusts you and all but…" she trails off, unsure how to finish the sentence. "I just need you to know that Lilly really seems to like you and I don't want any Dauntless qualities rubbing off on her."

I stare at her. Dauntless qualities? "Excuse me? Do you mean how I can be classified as brave, at times? Or do you mean how I'm not the standard Amity because of my time in Dauntless?"

Mary stare back at me. I'm sure I've studded her. I don't understand what she means by Dauntless qualities. Mary crosses her arms. "Your time at Dauntless gives me doubts about how you will react here, in Amity, but if Joanna and Lilly trust you, I guess I can do my best to trust you, as well." She leans in close to me, dropping her voice, "I hope that I will not be mistaken in trusting you with my 5 year old daughter."

Straightening, we finally go inside. When we are inside the dome, I am momentarily deafened. The laughter and joy in one place is enough to deafen anyone. Not to mention, how many people can fit inside. I search the area, hoping to find Lilly or Joanna. Thankfully, Danny appears a few feet in front of me.

"Hey! Abby, right?" Danny asks, laughing.

I nod, feeling a slight grin trying to make an appearance on my face. "Yeah, you're Danny, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's me." He laughs, loud and truly happy. The laugh reminds me of Amar. I feel a tightness in my gut. "Are you looking for Joanna?" Again, I nod. He points where a big table is. "She's sitting in the middle. I'm sure she would like to see you."

I start towards her, calling behind me, "Thanks!"

I feel a hand on my arm. I turn my hand to find Danny's face inches from mine. "If my opinion matters any, I think you look better in orange and yellow than black." He lets my arm go, allowing me to leave.

I roll my eyes as I start to walk to where Joanna is. I haven't been here a full day and already I have Danny hitting on me. I hope that doesn't last too long. I can't have someone who reminds me so much of Amar, hitting on me. Besides, I think I look better in black.

When I arrive at Joanna's table, she automatically spots me. Wordlessly, she waves me over to her. I take the empty seat beside her. I stare at the food in front of me. Chicken, beef, bread, corn, and a variety of fruits and vegetables are laid out. Taking my plate, I grab what I can't tell if it's one of everything or not. Without grabbing the bread, I begin eating. The food, some of the best I have had in a while, slowly begins to fill me up.

As the conversation goes on around me, I begin to think about everything that has happened since I joined Dauntless. From meeting Amar to coming to the most loving place in the world.

I sigh as I look at my ring. Everything is so stressful. First with hiding my relationship with Four. Next, the freaking engagement! Then, the thing with Max. I am still not sure what that was. Now, at Amity I have to start all over. Again!

"Abby?" I look up to see Joanna. "Is everything okay?" I nod. Joanna studies me. "I was thinking about your job, here. I think that you should work in the fields, for now. You can spend a lot of time alone and think, if you would like. Lilly's parents, who I assume you're staying with, work there. Her dad, Jeff, can show you the ropes. That is, if you would like to. I can always find some other place for you."

A small smile comes across my face. "Thank you, Joanna. I think sometime outdoors will do me some good." I lean forward, "I'm curious, why did you agree to let stay here?"

Joanna's face scrunches as she responds, "I'm not sure. I think that you won't cause any trouble. Just remember part of our deal." I give her a questionable look. "You have to tell me what kind of issues that you had with your old faction."

I nod, finishing my plate. "I will. Maybe after breakfast, tomorrow?" She nods, as wel.

I stand up, to take my plate to the dirty dish area, when a blur of black, catches my eye, slipping around the corner. I shake my head. Why is there black in Amity? It's probably nothing. I shake my head, I wonder if I'm going crazy. The only black pieces of clothing that are in the entire Amity compound are in my bag at Lilly and her parent's house. I wonder if someone from Dauntless followed me. I hope not. I have to find out.

 **What do yall think? Did I get the details right? R &R please! Love yall bunches!**


	22. Talk

**Thanks to all who are reading this and staying with me!**

Placing the dish on a random table, I start toward the hallway I saw the person to into. I quietly walk around the corner, creeping into the darkness of the hallway. I feel a arm wrap around my waist. Rolling my eyes, I grab the person's wrist, flipping them over my shoulder.

I hear a small grunt and a laugh. "Wow, Abby, I thought it looked painful when you did that to Eric. Feeling it, oh yeah, it hurts."

Gasping, I help my friend stand. "Four! If you don't stop scaring me, I'm going to end up taking your head off!"

Four laughs, pulling me into a hug. "Sorry about that. Is there somewhere we can talk?"

I nod my head in the crook of his neck, leading him down the hallway. Outside, the field opens up. Wide space waiting to be used. We walk farther into the field, I feel a chill when his hand slips over my lower back. His hand hovers on my back, stopping me in my tracks.

I swallow over the lump forming in my throat. "Wh-what did you want to talk about?"

He chuckles, dropping his hand. "About how wicked strong you are. Also," he becomes serious, "about how Max, Eric, and I think even Zeke are taking your 'death'. Everyone's taking it pretty hard."

I turn to him, my eyes at his lips. "What do you mean? I figured they would be upset but Zeke?"

Four's lips curl into a small smile. "Yeah, he really liked spending time with you. Max and Eric, on the other hand, I've never seen them so mad and upset. Max put on a poker face and Eric thought I was lying. But now, he believes it."

I lean my head onto his shoulder. Sighing, he rubs the top of my hair with his hand. "I didn't mean to hurt them but I know that Max and Eric are somehow connected to Amar's death. Four, what do I do?"

Four pulls me into a hug. His strong arms protecting me from everything. "I don't know. I have a friend in the factionless. Is it okay if I use him to bring messages back and forth for us?"

I stare up at his face. His kissable lips so close to mine. I look up his blue eyes, his lips coming closer to mine. Closer, closer, and closer until they're locked. We hold each other tightly. I wrap my arms around his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair. It dawns on me that this is Four. This is the guy who allowed me to stay with him while I was drunk. This isn't Max, who has liked me since day one.

Gently, I push him away. "I'm sorry, Four. I love you as a friend and you will always be the one I turn to, but please, I don't want to be even more confused than I already am."

He clears his throat. "Of course. I'm sorry, really. I- uh- I should go. I'll send a guy with the first message a few days from now."

"Okay, bye Four." I whisper.

"Bye, Abby." Four whispers. Before he leaves, he hugs me, placing a light kiss on my head.

He starts running through the field. I watch him as he runs away. I turn back to the compound and begin walking to the house that I'm sharing with Lilly and her parents.

"Okay, it's simple. I'll show you how to pick the grain and the corn. You, and the team that you are on, are expected to have a certain number of baskets picked each day. That is, if they're ready to be picked." Jeff explains we walk through the field.

I nod, absent mindedly. I have to tell Joanna why I didn't meet her after breakfast. I realize Jeff is still explaining everything about the fields.

"Half of the team will work in the fields, in the morning." Jeff states. "The other half will be in the stables or will be with the trucks. Which would you rather do?"

I can't risk being seen with the trucks. "Stables." I say firmly.

Jeff laughs. "Alright. You can start this afternoon. Lilly always go to the stables after school. You can take her home."

I nod, "Sounds like a plan. When can I begin in the fields?"

Jeff stretches out his arm. "Now would be great. Come on, lets go."

After hours of working in the fields, I have come to the conclusion that I should stay here for a little while longer. Not only did I have time to think, I've had time to come up with what I'm going to tell Joanna. It's simple: I'm going to tell her the truth, from start to finish.

I walk into her office. "Hi, Joanna. I'm sorry about this morning."

Joanna smiles, gesturing to the chair. "You're fine. I understand that you are on your lunch break. Would you like anything?" She slides a bowl of fruit towards me, as my stomach growls with hunger. I nod, with appreciation, picking up a banana and an orange. I begin to peal and eat my orange as she continues, "I hope you are enjoying your time at Amity. Although, I was not too pleased with you skipping our morning meeting." Distaste crawls across her face. "However, I thank you for meeting me now. Will you please tell me your issues with your old faction? Everything, please."

I finish off the orange. Taking in a deep breath, I begin my story. I tell her of how I went to Dauntless to escape my crazy ex, Eric, and family. I tell her about my fear simulation and training with Amar. The horrors of the incident with Eric and the lovely parts about Dare flow from my mouth. I get to the part about Amar dying when my voice breaks. Heat pricks at the back of my eye, making my vision blur. Swallowing over the lump of emotion that has formed inside my throat, I continue telling her of Amar's death and my details of finding out what Max was hiding. It dawns on me, while saying this, that I finally figured out why Eric went to Dauntless: to find any and all Divergent.

Joanna stares at me, with interest. I can tell that she is clinging to every word. Her brown eyes, looking over my once frail form. I stop my explanation by looking down at my shoes.

"I would have never known. This Amar must have been pretty special for you to have been so torn up about his death." Joanna's voice is soft, understanding.

I hold up my left hand, showing her the ring. "Yeah, he was. I just wish he was here now."

Joanna comes around the table, a kind smile on her face. "You have such a lovely ring. He cared for you a lot, I'm sure."

"Thank you, Joanna." I stand up, placing the banana back in it's bowl. "Please excuse me. I want to look around the barn for a bit before my next shift."

Joanna nods, slightly stretching out her arms. I agree to a small hug before thanking her and slipping out to the barn. I walk around the barn, laughing when I see a pig smiling as he slumbers. I continue to marvel at the horses and chickens that I had read about in books, as a child. Finally, I see a room above the hay loft where I could easily have enough room for some time alone.

I climb up the ladder, that is conveniently at the side of the barn, climbing into the small room. Hay, is all I see. Just bails of hay, in this small room. A mischievous smile appears on my face as I begin to push bail of hay away from the middle of the floor. This room would be perfect for exercises and disappearing. Dropping to the ground, I decide to test my unused strength. I surprise myself when I find that I can still do my regular number of pushups. I turn onto my back, testing my side, I try a sit-up. I have some tightness in my side, but its manageable. I stand up, brushing myself off. I will have to write to Four, asking him to get me some Dauntless gear brought to my little hiding place. I wonder if I can get a target set up here.

 **Well, it seems like Abby is adjustuing well to Amity life. Although she still isn't letting go of her newly grown roots. Please R &R!**


	23. Adjusting

**Oh gravy! It's been FOREVER since I updated... I'm not done yet! I'll do my best to update regularly now. Enjoy!**

Settling my target into it's place, I heave a heavy sigh of relief as I brush the dirt off of my hands and admire the work of the nice factionless gentlemen that Four set me up with. Nodding to the man who is dressed as a full Amity, I grab one of the knifes from the variety collection that Four brought me. I don't say anything to the man because he disappears after I nod to him.

I take off my bright red Amity over shirt, revealing a yellow undershirt as my workout shirt. Sighing again, I raise my arm and throw the first knife.

Ever since I wrote that letter to Four, asking for some Dauntless objects, I have been getting into the lifestyle I wanted to be living. Training, moving, working, all part of my Amity life with bits of Dauntless thrown in. I roll out my shoulder as I throw the next knife. Both hit the target with a lovely thud. I walk over to it and pull the two knives free as I think about my next exercise.

I breath heavily as I lay down on the dusty floor, covering my back in the left over pieces of hay. Bringing my body up, I raise my knife. Going back down, I keep my hand steady. When I bring my body back up, I release the knife, listening for the sound of the knife embedding itself into the target. When I hear it, I continue my up and down pattern along with my knife throwing. Up is steady arm. Down is relax and aim. Up again is throw. For each of the five knives I have, each of them hit the target. Only one misses the bull's eye. I'll have to work on that one.

After finishing my sit up routine, I roll over to see my lunch bag. Sitting up on the floor, I reach over and grab the brown bag. I remember inside it I put a banana, apple, strawberries, and a turkey sandwich. Pulling the sandwich out, I stand back up to look over the barn. I run my free hand down my back to get some of the dirt off of it. As I continue to eat my sandwich, I see Lilly riding a horse around its stable.

"Abby!" she calls out, waving her hand. "Can you come down here before you go back to work?"

I laugh, raising my sandwich. "Can I eat first? I just started lunch!" She nods her head as the horse turns a corner. "Okay, I'll meet you down there in a few minutes!"

As I finish up my sandwich, I begin working on the rest of my lunch, practically inhaling it. After I finish it, I slide down the ladder, barley allowing my feet to touch the rungs of the ladder. I walk up to the stable slowly, allowing Lilly and the horse time to see me. When I arrive at the stable, Lilly stops the horse, giving the reigns to the man I notice standing watch at one end of the gait.

"Did you see me?" she asks excitedly.

Swinging my leg over the gait, I wrap my hands under her arms, pulling her over to my side."Yeah, honey. I saw you. You've been getting really good. I'm surprised Mary let you ride by yourself today."

Lilly smiles at me widely, "Mommy says that maybe, when I'm bigger, I can get my own horse."

I laugh as I tussle her hair. Taking my hand, she leads me to where the other horses are. Pointing with her finger, she shows me a beautiful brown horse with a dark mane.

"That's the one I want." she says in awe.

"I'm sure she will need a good home, when she's older." I says as I wrap my arms around the small child. "Maybe Mary will let you buy her, or something."

Lilly leans into me, nodding her head.

Glancing at the clock on the far wall, I sigh. "I got to go to work, doodle-bug." Lilly groans, her usual complain of not wanting me to leave. "I'll see you at supper, though."

Letting her go, I kiss her hair. Her small arms wrap around my waist as she mumbles somewhat of a good bye.

When Lilly lets go of me, I turn and go back to the hay area. The men that I have been working with always seem to ignore me.

It's fine, I usually keep to myself. I pull on my work gloves and set to work on feeding the horses and moving small hay stacks to a bigger stack. The past few week have been nothing but hard labut. All just to prove to Joanna that I can work.

It's fine. I usually keep to myself anyways. It gives me time to think. To think about my beloved Amar. To think about my friends back at my new home that I was just getting to know. I shake my head as I look at the ring Amar gave me on my chain. The chain that has stayed on my neck from the time I woke up, to the time I take a bath at night. I sigh as I pull on my work gloves and begin to moves small piles of hay into a bigger pile. The past few weeks have been nothing but hard labor, this being the easiest of the days, all just to prove to Johanna that I can work to keep my safety.

As I work, some men come around and make small talk to me and by supper time, my short sleeve shirt is drenched in sweat. I lean back on my rake and wipe sweat off my forehead. I pick up the rake and set it with the other tools, then pulling off my work gloves, I shake out my hands.

I sigh again when I hear the voice I had been waiting to her. "Abby! Abby, Abby, Abby!"

Lilly bounces up to me as she wraps her arms around my neck in her yellow sundress. I laugh as I pick her up in my dirty work clothes and spin her around.

"Hey, doodlebug! Why the fancy dress?" I ask as I set her down. I take Lilly's hand as we begin walking out of the barn.

Lilly looks at me with large eyes. "Mama didn't tell you? Tonight is a sing-along. We always have them after the in-init-um…."

"Initiates?" I suggest.

"Yes!" she smiles, "It's our mid-year supper with the initiates. You wanna come?"

I stop as I look at ground. Sing-along? Initiates? Won't they recognize me?

"I don't know, Lilly… I don't think that I can really do that…"

"Can do what?" A voice interjects.

Johanna. I turn to see her in her yellow shirt and pants, with a red shawl draped over the crooks of her arms. I look back at Lilly, who is smiling from ear to ear.

"Oh, uh, Lilly was just telling me about the sing-along. I don't really think it is the best idea."

Johanna crosses her arms as she looks between Lilly and I. "I think it's a lovely idea! It starts in twenty minutes. I will see you then!"

Fifteen minutes later I am towards the back watching as my class gathers around the campfire. After a few minutes of waiting, I was humming songs that I learned from when I was a child. It was nice to get away from life.

After the gathering, I head home, carrying a sleeping Lily in my arms. I chuckle as I lay her in her bed and go to my room. My last thought as I close my eyes for the night is how Lily is such a sweet kid. If I ever have kids, I hope they're like her.

 **Feel free to PM me and keep me accountable with updating. Love yall!**


	24. I'm drunk

**Alright, like I promised, here is another chapter. This one is a bit... sad. Enjoy!**

A few months after arranging everything in the hay loft, I was gaining strength and everything was going smoothly. Adjusting to Amity life was a difficult change, but with Lily, Mary, and Jeff helping me, the shift was easier. That was until I looked at the date.

One year ago, today, Amar died. My stomach twists in knots as I walk to the kitchen. There, no red or yellow dressed people were in sight. I go to a cabinet to find what any Dauntless looks for: alcohol. As gross as it is, alcohol is the only thing that can make me forget about the pain in my heart. Well, long enough to knock me out, anyway.

I grab two bottles from the three bottles left with a shrug and start drinking one as I walk towards the house I have all to myself. Lily's family was staying with another family. They knew they had to give me some time when I woke up crying every month on the same day. It is as if my body has a calendar, and every month on that dreadful day, it reminds me of what I lost. Six months was terrible. Four visited, but it didn't help. If anything, he made it worse. I cried into his shoulder and he mourned with me. Told me that Max and Eric were never the same after I left. I didn't care.

Now, it was worse and he hasn't visited since.

Half a bottle later, I spot a dirt-covered man peering into my window.

"Leave," I spit. "I want to be left alone."

The man turns his attention to me and my stomach drops. Amar? No. Amar is dead. The alcohol is already messing with my head.

The man walks up to me and takes the bottle from my hand and leads me inside the house, after getting my key. I'm so taken by his resemblance to Amar that I don't notice him take off his coat or the other bottle from my hand.

"Go shower." He whispers in my ear. "I'm Jim."

I shake my head. "Give me the bottle, Jim."

The man snaps, "Why? So you can drink yourself to oblivion? I don't think so."

I stomp to the bar in the small house and grab the bottle. The glass is cool against my hand, contrasting the burning liquid that was going down my throat. I wait for the dizziness to come to me head, when images of Amar, Max, and Eric flood my mind. I drink more. Jim will not tell me what to do, nor will he stop me from stopping these images going through my mind.

Amar's lips. Eric's lips. Max's lips. Four's lips. All having their own heat and presure. I'm disguated with myself. Falling for my instructor. Then playing on my friend's (and enemy's) emotions. I whine and chug more.

Suddenly the bottle is ripped away from me. Liquid falls onto the counter. Swallowing the rest of what was in my mouth I shout, "Amar! I wouldn't be drinking if you didn't leave!" I gasp as I look at the factionless man in my house. He may look like Amar, but he isn't him. I know that. I drop to the ground in tears as he rushes to my side. "Why?" I cry in agony, "Why did you leave me? Amar?!"

Jim gathers my body in his arms and carries me to my room. The thin sheets and small mattress that is tucked away in a smaller room at the corner of the house takes me in its arms. Without question, I get under the sheets and cry into my pillow.

He stands there, awkwardly. I look up at him and all my mind says that it's Amar. Me amo. My love. My Amar. I shake my head. I reach up to him, like a child. When he takes my hand, I pull him down to the bed. He falls towards me, but catches his body just above mine.

I look into the brown eyes of this man, whose body is alined with mine. He gasps while he looks into my eyes. My drunken mind plays a trick on me when he gasps. He is so much like Amar. Our lips meet. Jim and Amar could be twins, my brain says through the mush. All my body wants is this man, who is standing in for Amar.

We keep kissing until we need to breathe. Jim turns red as he scrambles off of me. I bite my lower lip. He even kisses like Amar.

Jim gets a waste basket, then places it beside my bed. "Uh, sorry. Um, see you."

Then he's gone. My body drags me into unconsciousness.

Some time later that night, I wake up in someone's arms.

 _This dream again,_ I think with disgust. The reoccurring dream that I am lying in Amar's arms. He lets me sleep, but he is rubbing my back, like a lover would do.

I roll over into his arms. His natural smell making my stomach flip. He tilts my chin up, his white teeth shining in the dimly lit room.

"I was wondering when you were gonna wake up." He chuckles.

I sigh and push my head into his rumbling chest. "I'm not awake. I told you that last time you were here. But I don't care." I pull our bodies together. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." Amar tilts my head up again. "I've missed this the most."

Our lips connect and I melt. I remember his kiss, but I forgot the passion and the fire he put behind it. He pulls me against him as I climb ontop of his body.

"I don't care if this is a dream," I whisper against his beautiful lips, "I've missed you so much. Please, never leave me again."

Amar runs a hand down my body. "I wish I could stay, " His other had cups my face, "but you have to wake up soon."

My heart clenches in my chest. I kiss his lips again. He's right. Him and his chocolate skin that is so warm against my pale skin is right. I lay my head on his chest, and I fall asleep in ny dream, listening to the sound of his all too real heartbeat.

 **I know...I'm terrible... Sorry. Still love yall. Hope yoy love me! Next chapter will have a time jump. Mainly cause I don't know how to fill the space. Anyway, til next time.**


	25. Can't Sleep

**New chapter! Remember, time jump will come. First the present, then a tome jump. I hope you'll be able to follow. Enjoy!**

The next morning I wake up cold and alone. Jim's gone. Amar is gone. Lily, Mary, and Jeff still haven't gotten back to the house. Probably enjoying their time away from my crying.

I'm alone.

I place a hand on my head. Pounding headaches have become a normal afterwards after I drink. That and... I reach for the trash can beside my bed and barf. I stomach twists and trurns as I sit up on my bed. No work today, thankfully, so I planned on staying home.

My mind drifts to home. Not Amity, where I have ran away to hide for a year. Not Erudite, where I met a boy and loved to read. I begin to think of my Dauntless home. Dauntless, where I fell in love, stained my skin, broke my mind, and began to sharpen my body. I almost longed to go back.

Then Lily burst into the room. "Abby!" I grimace at the noise. She runs up to my bed and wraps her arms around my body. "I missed you."

I chuckle. "I missed you too, kiddo. Mind helping me with some stuff around the house?"

She perks up. "Sure!"

This... this is why I can't leave. I love this family too much. They took me in and I grew a bond with them. I can't leave.

Months pass. Everything is back to normal. I haven't had a vivid dream of Amar since. Now, I'm in the bathroom about to take a bath. I look at my body. My tattoos show slightly when I face forward. The flames still lick my sides. Amar's name is still on my hip. I let out a shakey breath.

"I need a hot bath," I say as I submerge myself in the steaming water, not caring about the heat.

As I wash my body, I think about the Dauntless compound. The walls, too dangerous to climb. The smell of the dust in the training room. For the past five months I knew that I had to go back. I have to go home. I can deal with Max. I can deal with Four. I wonder how Eric looks now. Still, I know I have to go back.

I climb out of the tub and wrap a soft yellow towel around my body. Opening the door, I find Mary with black cloth in her hands. Her green eyes shine brightly with concern as we lock eyes.

"Um," Mary says as she stares at the silk. "I found this while cleaning. I- I knew you were Dauntless and they had odd attire, as we all do, but" she opens the cloth to relveal my dress. The one Amar got for me. " Abby, was this a wedding dress?"

My breath catches. "Uh... I don't... I don't know."

"Abby!" Lily says as she bounces up. Suddenly she gasps. "What happened to your back?"

I'm too busy looking at my dress to look at her. "My dress. My back. Um..." I swallow. "Let me change and I'll explain everything. And I mean _everything_."

Lily's small hand touches the top of the towel, pulling it down a little. "A-Abby?"

I turn to face the worried child. Her bright blue eyes shine with tears in them. Placing a hand on her small face, I reassure her that I'm ok.

I scurry to my room. Once I am in my room, I go to the bag under my bed. The bag that contains my Dauntless clothes. I slip into the dark cotton.

I take in a deep breath. I never really told the family why I came to Amity. They just accepted me. Now, I have to explain.

I go to the kitchen and take a seat at the table. After a few moments, Mary and Jeff come in hand-in-hand. Mary, in her red pajamas and Jeff in his yellow pjs, both look at me with worried eyes.

"I don't know if Lily will join us." Mary whispers. "If she does, it would be nice."

I clear my throat. "Well, I should start at the beginning. I transfered from Erudite a little over a year ago. I went to Dauntless. I, uh, met someone. His name was Amar. Over my time in Dauntless, we dated."

I hear a small sneeze. Lily pops around the corner. "Sorry."

"It's fine." I smile. "Come join us."

She nods and sits at the bar. I nod and continue.

"He liked my dress. He was with me with I got my tattoo. That thing on my back. We got each others name put on our skin. We, um, we were engaged." I hold up my left hand, showing her the ring I still wore. "We were in love. Then..." I swallow over the heavy lump in my throat. "He died."

Mary gasps and pulls away from her husband. She wraps me in her motherly arms. Tears spill from my face and I pull her closer to me. "Oh, sweetie... That's who you pine day and night?"

I nod. Sniffling, I sit up and wipe my eyes. "After he died, I kept going down. I played my ex. I kissed my best friend. I played my leader. I'm such a... word I can't say because of the little ears in the room."

I wipe my eyes again. Jeff sighs and wipes his eyes as well. "And now... you want to go back? I'm guessing from your outfit, at least."

I hug my body and nod. "For now... I just want to go visit the compund. Just for a night."

All three people look at me. Silence stretches out.

Finally, Lily speaks up. "You want to leave?" She speaks.

I go over to her and pull her into a hug. "Baby, I don't belong here. I have to go home."

Lily nods against my chest. Her small body shaking as she starts to cry. My heart breaks. I wish I could say... but what I told them was true. I have to go home.

Mary sighs. "We can't force you to stay with us. May I offer a suggestion?" She adjusts in her chair. "Visit tonight, come back tomorrow morning. Then, maybe, stay the rest of the year with us. You can leave on Choosing Day."

I rush to her side. Wrapping my arms around her, I start crying. "Thank you."

I kiss Jeff and Mary on the forehead and Lily on the cheek. I rush to the bathroom and change into my dress. It still hugs my body the way he wanted it to. I almost cry again. I come out of the bathroom.

Walking to the door, I call behind me. "See you in the morning!"

Then I start running.

 **Some feedback would be nice, yall! Let me know what you think!**


	26. Seeing Max

**I'm not one for shout outs, but thanks to HeyIt'sTori and divergent178921312. Yall helped encourage me to finish it, because, to be honest, I didn't think anyone was actually reading this. So, thanks. Okay, on to the story!**

I run.

I run to feel the breeze against my skin. I run to feel the wind in my hair. I run to hear my dress snap in the wind. I run to hear my old Dauntless boots hit the ground.

I run until I come to the truck station where there are Dauntless watching the night shift Amity unload the empty boxes for day shift Amity to fill. I slow down until I'm walking. My breathing comes in deep breaths.

 _I haven't ran in forever,_ I think to myself. _And here I am, running as if I could run a marathon_

Deciding that I should be careful, I sneak around the front of the truck to climb aboard. I never came here, when I worked in the feild. I was always afraid someone wouls recognize me. Still, I know what goes on inside the trucks, which is why I hide against the edge.

When the truck starts moving, I turn to face backwards. The truck begins to move quickly to the fence. The wind slaps, my face, throws my hair in front of my face, and snaps my dress.

It's better than running.

Finally, the truck begins to slow. I pull my body back inside the truck and wait for the truck to pass through the fense.

I take a deep breath while the truck slowed to a stop. After it stops, the driver cuts off the engine. It is either time for a nap or a short break.

Quickly, I jump out of truck and start running again. A train whistle catches my attention. The train. I push myself to run harder, run faster. I near one of the train carts. Reaching up, I pull myself onto the train.

Once I'm on the train, the whistle blows again and begins to pick up speed. I grab the handrail. Leaning outside, the wind catches my face, my hair, and snaps my dress. It's better than running. It's better than riding a truck. It's better.

Looking out, I see my first home. Erudite, with its blinding white light and blue buildings. The faction passes in a blur. Next, I pass Candor. I spot the Abnegation faction, passing in a gray blurr, as well. Then, the train starts climbing.

I get back into the train and back up to the back of the cart. The building comes into view. I take a deep breath then I run. My legs push me until I reach the end of the train and I jump. My heart pounds as I fly through the air. My body hits the top of the building and I roll.

A groan escapes from my mouth. I forgot the pain this caused, but I made it. I laugh as I stand up to dust off my dress.

Getting in the compound is my favorite part. I walk to the edge of the building. Climbing up the side, I don't think as I turn around and fall backwards. I keep falling until my body collides with the net.

I sigh as I look up at the hole in the ceiling. The erri darkness of my home doesn't scare me. Instead, it protects me.

I climb off the net and allow my feet to carry me through the compound. My mind becomes distressed when I think of the possibilities of what could happen from my coming back, even for a night.

What if Eric finds me? What if someone finds me and takes me to Eric or Max?

I take deep breath as I arrive at a door. I press my ear to the cool metal, listening for whoever is inside. When I don't hear anything, I open the door.

My eyes land on a sleeping man. He mumbles something that I can't understand. When I creep closer, I see who the man is: Max.

I give him a small smile. Slowly, I go to his bed. His slumbering face is so peaceful. His dark skin now looking rinkled. Should I wake him up?

Suddenly, he rolls over and wakes up. Crap!

"Who are you?" He growls.

A sad smile appears on my face as I reach out to touch his face. "Haven't changed a bit, have you Max?"

He gasps as he grabs my hand. "A-Abby?" He whispers in awe. "T-This is a dream. A cruel, cruel dream. Isn't it?"

Lie.

I sit on the bed beside him and nod my head. "Sadly it is a dream."

I see the heartbreak on his face. He sits up, still starring at me. His dark face has gotten old. My poor Max. What has time done to you?

He pulls me into his arms. He takes in a deep breath. "I don't care if this is a dream. Oh, Abby, I have missed you so much."

Max takes me by the shoulders and looks at me. Slowky, I realize what he wants. At the same time, we lean in. When our lips brush, I realize how much he missed me.

We kiss for a few moments. I can't help but feel something in his kiss. Still, he isn't Amar.

I push away from him. "Max," I whisper while I gasp for air. "I have to go."

Max's body tightens. "No. Stay. Please stay with me. Please."

My stomach tightens. I can't stay with him. I pull away from him, slowly. I back away from the bed into a dark corner, waiting for him to go back to sleep. The last I see of him, is when he cries himself to sleep

 **If yall enjoy the story, please let me know! I love feedback. Love yall!**


	27. Seeing Eric and Four

**Another chapter! Woohoo! But before we begin, I want to clear up some confusion. She WILL get back with Amar. Remember, I'm taking you through Divergent, Insurgent, and Allegiant (where Amar comes in) times. The past chapters have been the two years before Divergent. Hang with me for a few more chapters and you'll see what I mean.**

 **Max's isn't an old man. When she saw the wrinkles on his face, she meant the he looked tired and worn from stress. Also, she hadn't seen him in a year and a half!**

 **Hope that clears it up for ya. Enjoy!**

After sneaking out of the small room, my feet walk the damp halls. I run my fingers along the damp rocks and listen to the dripping sound from the spray of the cassam. The cassam that holds so many fears, sorrows, and secrets. Finally, I arrive at a room that I've never seen before.

From the adjared door, I can smell the alcohol. As quietly as I can, I push the door open with my foot to find an apartment painted a light baby blue color with some line from the Erudite manifesto written in black, bold letters. Sneaking into the room to find... Eric?

I rush over to him, my boots quiet on the stone floor. His body limp against an old black bean bag chair, he still holds the last brown bottle he was drinking. Gently, I take the bottle from him hand, making sure not to wake him. I take the bottle to the sink and dump the liquid down the drain. Afterwards, I search for a trash can.

If I learned anything from Eric it was this: when he drank, he drank a lot, broke stuff that night, and threw up the next morning.

I look in the corner, I see where he broke part of a picture frame. I sneak a glance at Eric, seeing his body now curled up against the black leather.

I finally spot a black trash can hiding in the corner of the room, on its side. I go to it, quickly, but quiety. I fix the bag with as minimal noise as possible, only to have a rough hand on my wrist.

Crap.

"How did you get in my room?" Eric slurs. I look up to find a an I didn't recognize. For an eighteen year old, he looked older. He wasn't the young, handsome fellow I first fell in love with in a Erudite library. Now, he was a rough, sexy, tattooed man with many piercings in his face. My eyes count 25 piercings. "Well?"

I yank my arm away from him. He may look different, but he was still Eric. "Your door was open. I came to check on you. Honestly, you never do anything when you're drunk except break things. That, and you still can't hold alcohol."

Eric reaches down and grabs my hip, pulling me closer. The smell of alcohol on his breath makes my stomach turn. "Abby?" He whispers.

Crap. _Lie,_ my brain screams, _Lie and lie now!_

I scoff. "Please. Eric, you're drunk and disorderly. It's Four." (Sorry, Four….. Please take the fall for this one.) "All you see is someone you wish was here to take care of you. Now go lay down."

Eric squeezes my side and takes a deep breath. "Four, dude, you smell like a girl. Sorry about the whole grabbing you thing." He practically throws my side away from him. "I just miss her."

I grab his shoulder. "I know. Seriously, go lie down."

I don't know if the alcohol kicked in or if he listened to me, because Eric went back to his bed and fell asleep. Rolling my eyes, I take the trash can to the side of his bed.

I know he won't remember anything, which is why I turn on my heel and walk away.

AS I walk through the Dauntless halls, my mind takes me back to when Eric and I broke up. It was a month before the Choosing Ceremony and one of thsoe sunny afternoons that either made you love the Earth you were walking on, or hate everything that breathed. I was having one of the latter days. Eric had drank too much the night before when I told him I wanted to break up. Now that I told him again, he was steaming.

"Why do you want to leave me?" He yelled. "I thought I made you happy!"

I refused to cry that night. All I told him was, "Not like this," before I started towards the door.

Out of anger, he took my vase, the one I _made_ , the one that had flower he helped pick, and threw it at me. Luckily, it hit the doorframe. Two more inches, it would have been me.

I spun around to come face-to-face with a boy that had an evil gleam in his eye. The boy that was once a caring, intelligent, young man was now a cold, dangerous, human being.

And he has been ever since.

That night, before I stormed off to another friend's house, I spat in his face. "You are not who I thought you were, Eric. You were, but now…. I don't know what happened to you."

I stormed off. As the month passed, I figured out what had happened to my sweet little Eric. My Aunt happened. Auntie Jeanine practically took him under her wing when we broke up. I stayed away from him, disappearing into the background, while Eric began to rise. Auntie Jeanine got him on one of the her special projects and he disappeared from my life. Until the month ended and we both transferred to Dauntless.

Talk about worst luck.

I physically shake my head to get the memory out of my head. I walk the halls of Dauntless, until I come to another room. Peeking inside, I see a man at a computer. A smile finds its way onto my face as I creep into the control room.

Coming up behind the man, I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Hi," I whisper into his ear.

The man freezes. I try not to giggle. He always was a scaredy cat. Turning in my arms, a smile appears on his face. "Abby. You're back."

I chuckle. "Hey Four. Not officially, but I'm coming back soon."

The brown-haired man smiles at me. "I'm glad you're coming back. To be honest, I think that we kind of need you back. The training that I hear the initiates are going to go through is going to be tough. I think Eric needs you to take him down a few notches, make him try not to kill the kids."

I chuckle. "Yeah, speaking of Eric, I may have gone to his room and said I was you." Four arches a brow. "He was drunk, I know how he gets when he drinks, so I fixed a trash can for him to throw up, into when he wakes up. He woke up, asked how I got in. I told him I was you. He then said he was sorry for grabbing your side and that he misses me. He then said you smelled like a girl. So…. take the fall, please?"

Four groans and smacks his head. Technically, I don't give him a choice. He looks at me from between his fingers, a smile making its way onto his face. He reaches out and pulls me into a hug. He must have gotten taller, cause his head now rests on to of my head. I laugh, and so does he. His body shakes when he laughs, causing my head to vibrate.

"You, my friend, are crazy."

"I know. Well, um, I should get going."

I pull away to fix my dress. As I look back up, I notice how much Four has changed since I last saw him. He isn't little, scared Tobias anymore. He wasn't scrawny Four anymore. Now, he is strong, Dauntless legend Four. I look up into his eyes.

I see broken eyes. "Abby, stay. If not for me, then for Eric and Max. We need you."

I run a hand through my hair. "Uh, look. I want to stay. I haven't felt this much at home since I was last with Amar. Four, I have to go. Look, uh, I will be back when the initiates arrive, just in time for me to stop Eric from killing them. Until then, don't tell anyone that I'm coming back. Not Eric, not Max, not Zeke or Uriah. No one. I will see you in a few months."

I go up to him and place a sweet kiss on his cheek then quickly walk to the door. Before I duck out of the room I see Four lightly touch his cheek with his hand, a half smile tugging at his lips.

"Bye, Abby. See you in a few months."

Time to start running again.

 **Ok, give me a few more chapters and I will bring in our beloved and Tris! If you like the story, let me know! Love yall!**


	28. Jim

**I hope that everyone has had a good day/night, so far. So, I sat down and reread all of my story and I am so surprised to see how much my writing has changed since I stopped and started again. Now that I can see why yall are asking when Amar is coming back, I'm going to** _ **hopefully**_ **write some longer chapters like I did in the past and speed the story up a bit, without making it confusing. That, and I am typing on my computer, instead of my phone like I have been in the past few chapters. Alright, enough chit chat, enjoy the story!**

 **WARNING:**

 **This chapter will be a tad graphic physically. (Sex)**

Once I am running again, I start to forget where I am. I run around the pit, not bothering to care if the handrails are there or not, which in some places there aren't any rails at all. Still, I keep running around the edges of the Pit to the top of the glass ceiling. I push open the heavy door to be hit with cold night air. When I am outside again, I smile again and keep running.

I run side-by-side with the train that is about to arrive for a few minutes before I jump up and pull myself inside the cart. I roll onto the dust train floor and lay on it, looking up at the ceiling. My breaths come heavily, waiting to become a natural rhythm again.

"Nice dress," I hear a man say.

Freezing, I push myself up onto my forearms. I know that voice, but he's dead. But I _know_ that voice.

"Amar?" I whisper into the shadows. I try not to make my voice sound hopeful, but it doesn't work. Amar is dead. I know that. I saw his body. I read his death note. Still, that voice sounds so much like him.

Laughter fills my ears. Not howling laughter, but a soft chuckle that is loud on the train. "Abby, have you been drinking again?" Out of the shadows, a figure steps out. "It's me; Jim.

I try not to let myself disappointed, but it doesn't work. I'm still upset. My heart still breaks when I realize that it isn't him. I push myself off the ground, then walk to where Jim is. This is the first time I've seen what he looks like without my mind being in too much of a blur from alcohol. In the moonlight, I notice how he is wearing a white undershirt, an unbuttoned Erudite shirt. and a baggy Abnegation gray jacket. Look further down, I notice his Dauntless sweatpants that look a few sizes too big for him.

"Hey," Jim says coming over to me, "why the long face?"

Jim plops down beside me. I look up at him and notice how his dirt-covered features resemble Amar a little too much. I shrink away from him and use my arms to cover my face, not wanting to look at his handsome face. I don't think my heart can take looking at him for very long.

I feel hands on my arms. "Hey," Jim whines, hurt in his voice, evident, "d-don't be like that. I- I thought we were friends."

I look up at him, my blue eyes shining with the tears that about threatening to fall. "We are." I whisper. "Y-You just remind me so much of…" I swallow over the lump in my throat.

"Him." Jim cuts me off.

I nod. "Jim, I know that you're not him, but you look so so so much alike. Honestly, it's almost painful to look at."

Jim pulls away from me with a nod. He looks as if he is about to say something, but changes his mind. Before he moves away fully, he reaches out and takes the necklace that I am wearing, that Amar gave me, the one I never take off, and my left hand. Putting them together, he studies them. He asks, "You really loved him, didn't you?"

I nod again. I reach out touch the side of his face with my right hand. He closes his eyes, seeming to learn into my touch. "I did. Jim, I love and miss him so much." Gently, I wipe his face with my thumb, a small smile finding its way onto my face. . "You know, if I got a hot rag and wiped your face, you would look just like him."

Jim opens his eyes. I notice his brown eyes shining in the moonlight. So much of Amar in one body. How is that even possible? Without thinking, I pull him into me, our lips touching. The same fire I felt with Amar. I whimper and push myself against him. Jim gasps as we kiss, but he doesn't allow it to be long, before he pushes me away.

"Abby," he whispers.

The speeding train blares its horn, when I open my eyes. "Jim"

Jim puts his head down. "I don't want to be the stand-in for someone you lost, but at the same time…" He pulls me in to kiss me again, "I have never felt anything like I have when I am with you."

I place our foreheads together. "I feel the same."

Before we both know it, I'm in his lap, kissing his dirty face, but the dirt doesn't bother me. Not breaking contact with each other, he pulls his coat off. Leaning away for a moment, he wipes his face of some of the dirt, while I push the blue shirt off his body. The jacket and the shirt fall behind him. Jim's dark hands make contact with my bare back. A gasp escapes me when I feel the fire of his touch.

Gently, he pushes my body off of him, but moves his face so it's near my neck. "I really, really hate to ask this," Jim sheepishly whispers against my ear, "but think you would rather go someone a little more, uh….. private?"

I feel my face grow warm. "S-Sure."

Standing up, Jim gathers his clothes, then lends me a hand. Graciously, I accept his hand and stand up with him. His strong arms can breathe now, being able to be in the open. I try not to chuckle at my thought.

Jumping at the same time, we jump when we get near the Amity faction. Before we get near the fence, I feel his warm hand slips inside my dress, gently rubbing where needle when into me a little over a year ago. Taking his hand, I look him in the eye. Both us start running, hand in hand.

Both of us spot a barn before the main fields of Amity start. Jim pulls me into it, pinning me against the wall. One kiss becomes two. Two become three. Three become a heated makeout session. Soon enough, both of us are on the floor, pulling off clothing that should stay on.

We roll in each other's arms, tangled in one another. Both of us push and pull our bodies, our fire that is burning between us building like a furnace. I realize that this is the first time I have ever had…. This. For my first time, something makes me glad that it was Jim. At the same time, I wish it was Amar. Not this…. What would he be? A substitute? A "stand-in", like he said?

Jim looks down at me, as if questioning if I really want this. Nodding my head, a moan of pure pleasure escapes my lips as he brings his weight down ontop of me. The two of us roll around on our clothes for a few more minutes before we separate from each other.

"Well," Jim gasps, "that was…. Something."

I roll over on my side, using his blue shirt to cover the top part of my body. My body is still breathless from running and from having intercourse with him. "You're telling me."

Jim rolls over to me, making his chocolate-covered shoulders seem flawless in the small amount of light coming through the window of the barn. There isn't much light, but there is enough that I can see his face and his body.

"Abby?'

"Hmm?"

Jim sighs, "Do you-" He drops his head. "Do you sometimes wish I wasn't too much like Amar?"

I reach out to him and lightly grab his hand. "Sometimes, yes. Sometimes no."

He looks up at my face, looking into my eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," I use my other hand to trace the tendons in his hand, "you are so much like him that sometimes, yeah, I wish you would just become him. But, at the same time, I know that you're not him and he's gone. I just have to accept that fact, like I have been trying to do for the past year or so."

Jim nods at what I said. "Okay." Laying back down, he asks with hopeful eyes, "Stay with me for tonight? I'll have to go by the morning, but I would like to have you here."

His request makes my heart do a summersault. "Of course."

After he adjusts, I snuggle beside him. Listening to the sound of his breathing, my heavy eyelids close and I drift to sleep.

 ***TWO MONTHS LATER* (A year and seven months after her initiation, five months before Tris's Choosing Day)**

Clinging to the toilet, I puke up what was left of my breakfast. I groan as I flush the toilet and stand up. Everyday after breakfast, for the past week, I have been in the yellow bathroom barfing my guts out. Groaning again, rinse my mouth with water. When will this end?

Mary pops her head in the room. "You're pregnant, Abby."

I glare at her. "No, I'm not. I just have a stomach bug. It will pass."

"Oh, it'll pass. In nine months!" Mary laughs.

I push past her, into the hallway. Gently, I place a hand on my stomach. If there is a child growing inside of me, I should be ready. My mind starts going through a list of baby supplies: diaper bag, diapers, diaper wipes, baby powder, a crib, a blanket, pass fires, etc. I lean against the doorway of the house, this is going to a be a lot.

But how did this even happen? I only have sex once!

I sigh as continue to walk the streets of Amity. My mind begins to do the calculations of when the baby should arrive…. Seven months from now? That's next year! I'll be back at Dauntless by then.

Well, I could stay here…. No. I have to go back home. I have to.

Going to my room, sit down at Lilly's play desk and begin writing a letter to my dear friend, Four. Hopefully, he won't mind playing Dad for a little while.

 **Alright, next chapter will have a bigger time jump. All I am doing is speeding up the timeline. If you need something explained, feel free to PM me! Also, please let me know how yall like my story. You know I like feedback. Love yall!**


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